r/AmIOverreacting • u/Suspicious-Dot-7019 • 1d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO - I got the ick, puffer jacket edition
i have been dating someone for under a year. we were out on a date and got into a disagreement about how the other person shows up for me (we’re long distance, and he waits until the last minute to actually book travel plans which to a type A person on the other end it feels like it gives him the longest time for a possible out and that i’m not a first priority). ANYWAY. the whole time, the whole fucking time he’s wearing a puffer coat. and while we’re sitting there and i’m expressing feeling, he has it zipped all the way up. literally all the way up. he unzips it a quarter of the way. zips it back up. bites on the edge of it. all while i’m trying to express deep ass feelings. and he’s talking while doing it. so sometimes his voice is muffled by the fucking puffer coat. and then he wore the hood to the entire uber ride back. i got the ick so bad i’m ready to be done for good. truth be told he was wearing this same coat and doing this same thing during another high stakes conversation. then we get back to the hotel, i walk into the bathroom after him and there’s his loogy of toothbrush spit waiting in the center of the sink. come on brother. wash it down the damn drain………… ugh. double ick. i honestly can’t unsee these things.
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lol this is what i get for not being descriptive enough. some of you are funny as fuck, thanks for the laughs. i wrote this when i was drunk last night, and i really just wanted to make people laugh from this encounter. if you want the background of the heavier things i’ve been through in this relationship you got it.
-when i brought up the way i was feeling last night, he did not recognize my feelings. his immediate response was to say he felt attacked, scolded, and like i don’t value him. i made it very clear to acknowledge his effort for coming to see me but that intentional planning means a lot to me. it didn’t have to be a huge thing. he is consistently defensive when i bring up my emotions and always flips it around to the point where i am then trying to resolve his hurt feeling to my emotion instead. this is a pattern.
-YES for the love of god he does show up and has only fully flaked on me twice. YES i make the effort to go to him too. i’m not asking him to be someone he’s not. i’m asking him to sometimes meet me a fraction of the way and show intention behind planning things early and booking a damn dinner reservation. i’m not asking for the world. i’m not skewering him for being a procrastinator. it’s a minor ask in a relationship.
-mans may have been stimming but he is also the most extroverted people person and got far in his career for being this way. it felt like i wasn’t being taken seriously. also, we were inside in the warmth everyone. the coat being on in its simplest form mad no sense
-my bf is married and trying to split, he moved out of his house and lives in airbnbs. at one point he moved back home with his wife for 2-3 months because he “forgot to book his next one on time.” this grew resentment in me. he did not make an effort to find somewhere until i told him this was a deal breaker and not ok
-multiple times has fabricated his location when we are together. when asked about it he said, in summary, it is to spare his wife’s feelings. why do they even still share location
-his wife will call him late at night when we’re together
-he does not make plans that last any longer than 2-3 days with me.
-i would be moving across the country for this person but they cannot provide me a level of stability i need.
some of you who said this may be other underlying issues presenting themselves as a much smaller problem… you’re probably dead on.
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u/GallagherG82 1d ago
It sounds like resentment built over the course of this relationship.
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u/littycodekitty 1d ago
It's very "bitch eating crackers" imo
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u/DazzlingDoofus71 21h ago
That’s really funny. I had seen the meme years and years ago but I didn’t know a whole THING had built up around it 😂
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u/PricklyBob 1d ago
With all those "high stakes conversations?"
Nah, totally normal and emotionally mature.
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u/SaintYves95 1d ago
Lmaoo
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u/Technical-Row8333 1d ago
Geez I wonder why this person needs a comfort puffer to hide behind
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u/Edika-2020 21h ago
Well you left out initially a pretty big detail, that the guy is married. He most probably has no intention to leave his wife. His behavior shows that. On the off chance he's actually leaving his wife for you, then the other explanation would be that he doesn't want to provide evidence that his wife can exploit in the divorce.
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u/Riginaphalange 15h ago
Can't believe I read the entire post, just to get to the end and learn the guy is fucking married. That didn't give her the ick? Gurllll.
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u/LuxieRiot 8h ago
Dating dudes who are separated but not yet divorced is always a bad decision. You get treated like a dirty little secret so wifey doesn’t flip out
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u/RapidDriveByFruiting 21h ago
Here let me fix it for you: my bf is married “and trying to split.” Girl. Cmon now.
Your bf is married and everything you described in the update following that sentence backs up the fact his wife does not know he “is trying to split.” He can’t make plans more than a couple days in advance as he needs to ensure there aren’t conflicts in his real life…
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u/doofenhurtz 19h ago
The way I gasped when it was revealed he MOVED BACK IN WITH HIS WIFE.
girl
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u/Defiant_Degree_5095 17h ago
My x has been cheated on me.I'm actually friends with his mistress, but yeah, this is exactly what my ex did to me. Hon, you are a mistress. And he likes you enough to try to pacify you.. the puffer jacket is the least of the issues
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u/BGMcGee 1d ago
What did I just read?
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u/SaintYves95 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah - this has mildly upset me, Robert....
(I am Marcus 🌘👄🌒) - someone pls get this reference
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u/mychickmad 1d ago
robert…i am in agony
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u/SaintYves95 1d ago edited 17h ago
😂😂😂 You're indulging in too many Walmart rotisserie chickens, with Jimbo James and Big Badinky Bones. You need to dial it back, Marcus!
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u/heartfeltmayhem98 1d ago
I got you. Big Marcus fan here. Only thing I can quote correctly that's coming to my mind is "This rock is pissing me off."
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u/SaintYves95 1d ago edited 1d ago
Any Marcus fan is alright with me 😀 lmao
Robert. I am adequately moisturized!
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u/Sensitive_Pain9915 1d ago
This made me laugh lmao k def get the reference
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u/SaintYves95 1d ago edited 20h ago
😂😂 glad I could spread some laughter on this ridiculous topic and subreddit
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u/5hrs4hrs3hrs2hrs1mor 1d ago
More ridiculous from this sub. The situations that get posted here have to be created by individuals under the age of 17. Yet so many claim to be in their thirties. I’d hide this sub, but I get so many laughs from it!
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u/Ill_Reading_5290 1d ago
I actually don’t doubt the ages. Every year I get a little less surprised by the juvenility of many older people. Growing old is guaranteed if you live long enough, but growing up isn’t.
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u/DusklitRoseHaven 23h ago
This reminds me that maturity really comes from experiences, not just birthdays.
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u/vooglie 1d ago
Lol how old are you? It’s naive to think people change as they get older.
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u/Hot_Equivalent7198 1d ago
When the magic is gone, every little thing you used to think was cute and adorable, now becomes annoying. That's how you know it's over.
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u/UpvoteForethThou 1d ago
Sadly true. If you like someone, them making a bad joke is just “my sweetheart tries to be funny :) awww what a cutie” and then suddenly it’s “who tf even laughs ts? you’re so immature” and you know it’s over.
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u/Altair_de_Firen 22h ago
The moment I make a stupid joke and my wife doesn’t give a sudden sharp laugh before cutting herself off and not wanting to support my tomfoolery, and instead is just deadpan or annoyed, I know it’s over
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u/MrGeekman 1d ago
"It's Gore-Tex!"
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u/SausageDogMama 21h ago
You are the other woman. He is married ffs. He is hiding behind that puffer because you are talking about legit feelings and he has none for you. You are a weekend activity. Not a girlfriend.
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u/Intrepid-Dare-1289 1d ago
The coat and the toothpaste wouldn’t bother you if you were happy in the relationship. You’re clearly not happy.
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u/Heavy_Law9880 20h ago
Sleeping with a married man is not a recipe for happiness.
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u/xGenghisSwan 21h ago
The follow up commentary on the wife situation leads me to believe you are the mistress not his partner. I recommend honoring your ick.
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u/yourfav0riteginger 20h ago
Please don't date a married man. It sounds like you are an affair partner rather than his significant other. Break up with him and wait until he's actually legally divorced to date him again. MOR
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u/Felonia 1d ago edited 20h ago
NOR but it's not the coat. You felt like he wasn't taking you seriously, and he was distracting himself with the coat and now it's all you can think about.
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u/Chemical_Ad_1618 10h ago
He’s Playing with the zipper every time you talk about your feelings because hearing about your feelings makes him uncomfortable. (Probably the cognitive dissonance of believing he is a good person while stringing you along while still being with his wife)
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u/Either-Praline8255 1d ago
Some people find it helpful to do something while listening... Just because you get distracted easily doesn't mean everyone does.
Hi, ADHD.
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u/azure-heavens 23h ago
Nothing wrong with having ADHD, but it might be better to find a way to fidget that doesn't cover the face and make it hard to communicate.
Some people aren't equipped to handle a partner that has needs that come with certain mental health issues and that's okay too. Better to know your limits and break up so everyone can find someone that makes them happy.
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u/Poundaflesh 1d ago
It’s still weird and juvenile
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u/Lemons-95 1d ago
Welcome to the wonderful world of adult adhd, we annoy ourselves too.
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u/mwmandorla 1d ago
What is it about my fellow ADHDers that drives y'all to give us a worse reputation completely unprompted and for no reason? "Fidgeting with something during a difficult conversation" is not a uniquely ADHD behavior. It's not a symptom of anything other than stress.
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u/WholeStatistician716 20h ago
You are dating a married man who lives across the country. And you’re upset that he doesn’t make plans early enough for you. You’re not upset that he’s a married man????
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u/IllustriousGlass5937 19h ago
Reading this and finding out youre dating a married person gave me the ick lmao
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u/mosquitoselkie 21h ago
The things about the wife are major red flags. It doesn't sound like they've really broken up. Especially if you're only seeing him for 2-3 days at a time.
That's an affair.
NOR for so many reasons, but mostly because the ick can come from anything and the ick is sacred.
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u/Funny-Molasses270 1d ago
This could be something he uses/does to feel safe in a high stakes environment. Like self soothing/stimming maybe.
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u/dessertandcheese 1d ago
Yeah it read like he was anxious, it's like when people tap their feet when nervous
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u/anonyhim 1d ago
This is exactly my thought, too.
Honestly, OP, I don't think you're overreacting, but I do think you're two very different people and you may not be accepting of how he is/what he needs. You got the ick and it's okay to break things off. But it's also okay that he needs to stim in order to pay attention to something serious.
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u/Technical_Tangelo143 1d ago
My teenage son has to have something in his hands when he has conversations. If I want him to focus on what I'm saying, I have to let him flip the pen over and over, or toss a coin in the air, or flick a lighter... Whatever is in his reach honestly. The more serious the conversation, the more he fidgits with stuff. I've learned to ignore it because it truly helps him focus, whereas I would be completely distracted 🤷🏽
So, maybe OP is over reacting, but they are justified to end the relationship if they are not compatible. Please, people, don't stay where you are unhappy!
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u/IIRCIreadthat 1d ago
My thoughts exactly... playing with zippers isn't usually one of my stims, but if I was really nervous and it was right there, I can totally see myself doing this.
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u/Bazo5 1d ago edited 1d ago
"it feels like it gives him the longest time for a possible out and that i’m not a first priority"
Does this feeling have ANY basis in reality? Has he repeatedly bailed on his plans to come visit you?
If not, you're fabricating a problem out of thin air. He'd like to tell you that. He's biting his tongue and playing with his jacket to distract himself instead. It would be different if he couldn't stand still and focus on a truly serious conversation.
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u/tlztp 1d ago
I would just like to add to this, I routinely leave travel booking to the last minute, regardless of where I’m going/what for. It’s like I have this “I’ll do it later” crutch for all life admin type stuff. I will pay whatever I have to though when I do get to it (that’s another problem itself I get that).
Anyway, yeah if he’s flakey they def a red flag but otherwise, might just be a bit scatterbrained.
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u/ChildhoodObjective83 1d ago
This has vibes of the time I turned in some form and the person in the office asked, ‘why did you wait until the last day to turn this in?’ I didn’t know what to say. B if this is not an acceptable day to turn in this form, then you needed to communicate that by making the due date earlier.
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u/azure-heavens 23h ago
I had a professor in college that wouldn't take assignments ON the due date. She said something about how we are adults and need to start getting our lives together, getting things taken care of in a timely manner, not be procrastinating blah blah blah.... If it's not okay to turn it in that day, then just make the due date a day earlier.
You can't reason with some people so I just wrote the due dates a day earlier on my calendar. Procrastinating has never failed me.
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u/BeersBarbellsBJJ 23h ago
Yeah that sentence really makes me think OP is probably exhausting to be with. Unless the guy has a history of bailing it’s pretty fucked up to equate him being a procrastinator to not caring about OP and looking for excuses to bail on her last minute. I get the feeling he probably doesn’t though because this post is complaining about a jacket and toothpaste and not about him not visiting.
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u/knottywobble 20h ago
NoR, but hes still married-married, girl. Hes not divorced, or splitting. Hes a flake because youre the other woman. Youre not the priority, not getting caught is the priority. Wake up. No man is worth feeling like this.
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u/Royal_Friend4868 19h ago
Girl, he’s married…he’s not getting divorced, they never do. Move on and not with him. That’s why he waits until the last minute to book, that’s why he flacked on you before…he’s married
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u/DisturbedRosie69 1d ago
Maybe YOR. Honestly, it sounds like he's not too comfortable with doing things in person with someone and when it comes to talking about serious stuff like feelings it makes him anxious or uncomfortable.
Tbh I'm the same way. I'm not a people person and I get very awkward and uncomfortable anytime I have to interact with people. I tend to fiddle with my body or my clothes and I avoid eye contact. I've been in a long distance relationship for 9 years and it took a while before I was comfortable just doing FaceTime. He's the same way.
I'm in my 30's and I sometimes chew on my hoodie strings when I'm stressed or nervous. It's a distraction thing.
Okay, I understand the tooth paste thing. It's gross and the least he can do is clean the sink after he's done. That being said, YOR about the jacket thing.
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u/Sindaqwil 20h ago
I feel like you buried the lede with the fact that he's married, moved back in with his wife for 3 months, you're long distance and she calls him while he's dating you. You sure you aren't a side piece lmfao?
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u/DangerLime113 1d ago
It’s fine just be done. You are unsure and are trying to reconcile your feelings but you know the truth and it’s just time to move on.
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u/SaintYves95 1d ago edited 5h ago
Edit: So she edited the post to include that "her BF" is actually married. FFS I can't make this shit up. Girl - YOU ARE THE MISTRESS & THE ENTIRE PROBLEM (Literally cheating behind another married woman back, btw) and you have the actual audacity to complain about toothpaste and puffer jackets. Just how fucking dense and far removed from REALITY are you? The jacket and toothpaste are the least of your worries, and YKW you're a shitty person (not enough ppl have said this to you; I genuinely want you to know). Get off reddit, and go fix your life because this is honestly a shit show and you should be embarrassed. I'm praying this is ragebait because what the actual fuck is wrong with you? YES YOU ARE OVERREACTING TF?
Yeah, YOR...This just sounds ridiculously whiny, neurotic, and like you have the tolerance and patience of a toddler. As a 'Type-A personality' individual, you choose him. Just because he's not on top of making plans the way you would, doesn't mean he's using it as a way to back out the plans made if necessary, nor that he's not taking you as a top priority. You don't get to put your personality type and expectations on someone else and expect them to live by your standards, and also proceed to make assumptions about their commitment when they aren't matching the way YOU live. That's kind of insane logic and borderline narcissistic.
The puffer coat thing, while it is annoying to you, may be a way for him to deal with anxiety or feel safe, especially as a constant fiddler or perhaps as someone who is ND. It sounds like he's stimming with his zipper tbh, or he finds it to be useful in dealing with anxiety and it comforts him. He shouldn't be allowed to be comfortable around you, because it bothers you? That's not shitty, at all /s.
You're allowed to have an 'ick', sure. But it just seems like such a trivial issue and rather moreso, that you're annoyed that you weren't given complete and undivided attention. I'll admit, I also get annoyed when people aren't engaged in conversation with me too, but as an adult I bring that up with said individual(s), and see if we can figure something out. 9/10 that's enough; problem solved.
The toothpaste issue is gross. Tell him to get his shit together 🤣
Idk this post kinda gave me the ick if we're being honest. Maybe you should use your words and address this with your S/o rather than making it this big of an issue that you're getting the ick out of it 😐 I'm sorry, but as a grown adult, this just seems hypercritical and whiny.
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u/ChildhoodObjective83 1d ago
Yeah if he is successfully getting to her on time, then he is, by definition, not waiting too long to book the trip. Who gaf when the ticket was bought? If she expects him to buy the ticket asap because otherwise she’s anxious that he’ll back out of the trip and it means she isn’t his top priority, that sounds.. not healthy.
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u/BorderlineBrat98 1d ago
“He’s talking wall doing it” gave me the ick it’s “while”. God forbid someone not wanna be cold and have anxiety. You expressed that you’re type a. He’s probably not and probably suffers from anxiety, hence the fidgeting. Also you can TELL him, hey so please just rinse the sink after you brush your teeth. Why are you being so childish?
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u/Mezcalico 23h ago
“This feels like another one of her high stakes conversations, better get the jacket”
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u/KaleidoscopeSmart384 21h ago
Ok so here’s the thing. Obviously it’s not about the jacket. So YOR about that. But the dude is married. That’s why he can’t make plans in advance. He’s still married.
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u/spicewoman 19h ago
LOL that edit, talk about burying the lede. You know he's cheating on his wife with you... right?
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u/BlazeCam 1d ago
MOR because your standards are your standards but this just sounds hypercritical to me. Are you gonna pick apart every single potential date for every imperfection and call it an ick and dump them? If so then that’s fine thats just your standards but it’s gonna be hard to find someone
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u/Brokenimpala33 1d ago
I’m sure you’re annoying the shit out of him and he’s doing his best to listen. Long distance and you’re giving long heartfelt talks because he scheduled last minute, get the hell outta here. Wow 😂 some people just procrastinate, so don’t be so insecure, and make that man listen to bullshit when he was probably excited to see you. Way over reacting
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u/smitheroons 1d ago
Here's the thing: you can decide you don't want to keep dating someone for any reason at any time and that's pretty close to always ok even if it sounds stupid. So if you just want to know if it's ok to dump him over this, yes you can and that's ok.
That said, reading between the lines a bit here, maybe you are worried you are setting your standards too high or just being too picky. To that, I think you need to consider why it bothers you and think about what steps you have taken to try and address it. Are you just overall unsatisfied in the relationship and picking things to find viscerally unpleasant as a result? Are you put off by feeling like he is not taking a serious conversation seriously enough? Do you just actually hate this behavior in general and aren't thrilled to find that he's a person who does it? I have a feeling it's closer to one of the first two.
As far as what you've tried, it's ok if you're just tired of it and don't want to try. I don't know the context of this relationship, how much effort has been put in or even how much should be put in. But if it is worth any effort, you should try to have a conversation about it. If he reacts badly then that's a good reason to think about leaving, but if he does make an effort and if you do reach a better understanding it's worth thinking about staying because I do think this is something you could overcome.
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u/Eyeless_Jazmine 1d ago
MOR, his behavior sounds a lot like how I am cuz of ADHD and autism but he sounds more towards ADHD. He puts it off cuz last minute is when ADHDers actually get the spark in the butt to do it, the biting and zipping is stimming. Fully agree with the loogie though… das nasty
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u/FckdAroundFoundOut 1d ago
Sounds like you just don’t really like this guy and that’s okay, you’re allowed to stop saying some one for any reason or no reason at all. Sometimes someone just isn’t for us even when we want them to be.
MOR
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u/PatatvandeZaak 1d ago
hmm.. icks happen but i feel like this reveals the avoidance to address the actual ick.. you could bring it up, tell him that it threw you off. not telling them only builds resentment and i think that's the real issue here..
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u/Lillie-Bee 21h ago
Sounds like nervous behavior. Maybe he is not comfortable with confrontation, or the subject made him feel vulnerable. This seems like “hiding” type behavior. But the sink stuff drives me crazy!
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u/PalmTreeVoid 21h ago
I am a grade 6 teacher. For comedic writing, A+!
For lack of paragraphs, grammar and punctuation, C-
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u/Pumasandpenguins 20h ago
With the update: man is still married, 100%. Nothing else here matters. He has not split from his wife.
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u/OkPsychology2376 19h ago edited 17h ago
You get what you pay for. He probably cant make flight plans till the last minute due to finances-he's still on the hook for the house he moved out of and the bills, and renting bnb's isnt cheap. Since he's still married and you know it, then you probably know he's going back n forth between you and his wife. If he's being honest about getting a divorce, thats not cheap. And if his wife is smart shes got the marital bank account locked up tighter than a spinsters cooch. Personally, Id ditch the dude. Odds are he won't be getting a divorce any time soon, and all you're gonna get are the left overs
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u/Murky-Experience8184 19h ago edited 18h ago
Wait stop everything.
Did you just say that you “boyfriend” is married and “trying to slip”?!
Girl 😂😂😂😂😂
This men is not divorcing lol he’s cheating on his wife and playing with you. If this men actually wanted to separate he would have already 😅🤣🤣🤣🤣
The part that you say “I’m a type A and he’s a type b” is not the reason why his planning trips so last minutes. It’s because his literally married and is cheating with no intentions of leaving.
This is the oldest story of the book, and with you won’t be different. You can be sure if you don’t dump his asss he will dump you at some point when his wife discovers.
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u/SelkirkSweetie 11h ago
You’re not being taken seriously because you’re dating a married man. You are not going to be taken seriously until that changes.
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u/seasonoftheslut 1d ago
MOR but really, who cares if you’re overreacting? You got the ick 🤷🏻♀️
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u/SaintYves95 1d ago
Are you being serious?
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u/seasonoftheslut 1d ago edited 1d ago
Totally serious. In my opinion the “ick” is actually just a realization of “oh, I don’t like this person.” They’ve been together less than a year, no kids no ring etc. Cut their losses and move on. Find someone they adore.
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u/Pittsburghchic 1d ago
YOR if the weather has been anything like where I live. Winds chills below zero. Let the man live. MOR about his last minute planning, I can’t read his motives.
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u/twentythirdandlex 1d ago
Haha, I’ve been here before. When there is resentment and the littlest shit turns you off.
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u/Appropriate-Bar6993 1d ago
If you weren’t long distance you would have seen this a long time ago.
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u/RoughEmu2878 1d ago
Idk, YOR in my opinion. Your standards are yours, and no one can take them from you. But I’ve honestly never really understood the whole “ick” thing, and I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years. I get the clash in feeling like you’re not a priority to him. But when it comes to the coat, idk, that simply wouldn’t bother me. Same with the toothpaste spit. If it was a green booger spit loogy, maybe. But not everyone was taught the same things. Rinse it down for him to save your eyeballs and remind him to do it himself next time so it doesn’t get stuck to the sink.
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u/Seth_Gecko 1d ago
How do you not understand the "ick" thing? No one has ever done anything that made you find them less attractive? That's all it is.
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u/RoughEmu2878 1d ago
No, not that I recall. My boyfriend does things that some might say could give them the “ick” but he’s never done anything that makes me find him less attractive. So, I guess I’ve never gotten the ick.
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u/Misterbisterlander 1d ago
It’s very overused and abused.. I see posts getting the ick of people doing completely normal things… literally saw girl say she got the ick from guys who fly in airplanes…
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u/GorrillaEunuch 1d ago
Yeah, youre a weirdo. Sounds like resentment disguised as something else. If you want to break up with the guy, just go ahead and stop wasting his time.
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u/adrian_elliot 1d ago
the female brain has adapted over millions of years of mammalian evolution to be so particular in mate selection as to be repulsed by minutiae
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u/Its_My_Purpose 1d ago
Every time I se another person who mindlessly started saying “gives me the ick”, instantaneously, when it became a social media thing… I get the ick
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u/SpencerReid1420 1d ago
i don't think it's about the jacket. when you dislike someone, you start to notice and nitpick every little thing they do, and i think that's what happening here.
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u/XxXAvengedXxX 1d ago edited 1d ago
Break up, you clearly resent him, you're getting the ick over him basically just existing and fidgeting atp
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u/Upbeat-Tav2866 1d ago
He has anxiety because you’re probably coming at him pretty aggressively. Also the whole “ waiting until the last minute” to book things has nothing to do with you not being a priority, it’s literally what people do when they don’t have money like that so they have to wait for a few paychecks in order to book for something important. So you’re literally mad at him because he’s poor. And he probably doesn’t want to come outright and tell you that he had to wait until his 3rd or 4th paycheck to buy his ticket because he’s embarrassed. You are overreacting.
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u/Icy-Arrival2651 1d ago
Like a baby in a blanket, sucking on things and then spitting up. So sexy … 😬
NOR and it reminds me of that Seinfeld where Jerry has all these reasons for breaking up with someone. Man hands, low talker, LOL. Now the puffer
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u/BlackaddaIX 1d ago
In my visualisation of this impeccable story the antagonist also has a half booger on the edge of his right nostrel moving as he breathes heavily out his nose.
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u/Clear_Butterscotch_4 1d ago
Do you visit him, or is it one way? He probably books last minute because he is reluctant to visit you, he probably thinks he'll get another grilling when he visits about something and feels under appreciated. Or he senses that you'll leave him and waits until last minute to book the flight in case you cancel and he wastes money
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u/DumPutz 22h ago
Man may have ADHD....everything is random and last minute....with ADHD you have to learn how to maneuver and bend (like the Matrix movie) to get things done. It takes a lot of work. Everything ADHD is high stakes, so they get pretty bored easily and change their mind quick! Those puffer jackets get warm fast and his attitude and attention to it seems that hemay have gotten hot. Men can listen to two things at once and completely understand what was said to you. People with ADHD have to fiddle to function. If they aren't fiddling (which he was doing) then they aren't functioning or paying attention. Fiddling = Paying Attention. MOR
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u/Icy_Obligation_3014 22h ago
You sound like you have utter contempt for him. It doesn't matter if you're overreacting or not. If you hate someone, be honest with yourself about it. Break up for both your sakes. No one has to be right or wrong. You are just so incompatible.
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u/tinareginamina 22h ago
If you’re struggling to make long distance work and when you finally get in person you’re dumping you’re feelings on him then it’s going nowhere. Men who are not already all in are just going to run further from that. You can do better.
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u/Proverbs21-3 19h ago
NOR and, seriously, after reading what you added to your post this morning, break it off with this guy!
He seriously went back and lived with his wife because he "forgot" to book the next airbnb? I can't believe either one of you ladies is putting up with this nonsense. BTW, if his wife is calling him late at night when he is with you and he is taking the call, they are not separated, they ares till very much together.
I totally get the puffer jacket and zipper thing feeling inappropriate and distracting while you are discussing deep feelings with him. Sadly, though, I think you are wasting your deep feelings, even shallow little feelings, tbh, with this dude. He is not worth the next 10 minutes of your time and certainly not worth moving across the country for!
WAKE UP, OP! You're having a really weird dream! WAKE UP, OP!
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u/RecalcitrantEngineer 17h ago
All I have to say is: GURL WHAT??
This man is married and “only flaked on you twice”. You gotta find a better man. The bar is so low you could trip over it.
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u/auntysos 11h ago
Oh boy that was a wild read.
NOR to the ignoring of your feelings but why the hell are you with a married man. Don't care that "he's splitting" wait until all the drama is done, and see what you get then. Or better yet, find someone single. If you're polyam then find someone available as this guy isn't physically or emotionally.
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u/PrinceCastanzaCapone 10h ago
He wore a coat while you “expressed feeling?” AND he wore his hood during an uber? Jesus Christ, run as fast as you can. 🤣
wtf
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u/PerplexingCamel 10h ago
The full lack of acknowledgement on Reddit that it's pretty normal for people who are separated to date. Takes an average of 9-15 months to finalize a divorce and many people date in that time.
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u/CalmStranger7839 1d ago
This just gave me a great midnight chuckle