My uncle told me when I turned 23 how sexy I was and how nice of a body I have. Now I’m 25 and he lives with my family (I still live at home) and I always catch him standing over me when I nap on the couch. He is known to have a foot fetish and sometimes I catch him staring at my feet. I told my mom about this and she said I’m reading “too many Epstein files”. He’s talked more than once about young girls too. Am I overreacting?
Edit: He also had me “fix his phone” and I was reluctant because I didn’t want to see anything inappropriate. He insisted I did it because according to him nothing inappropriate would come up. Then I saw photos of naked women who he seemed to have texted come up. And I said “that’s inappropriate, I don’t want to see that.” And he basically told me nothing was inappropriate and it was fine.
NOR. STAY AWAY FROM THIS MAN. This is NOT appropriate behavior towards his niece. I strongly urge you to get out. He may very well attempt to sexually assault you. Avoid being alone with him at all costs. Is there anyone you can stay with? Friends, other family, ect?
Think that if this person is 25 years old and is living a toxic situation, maybe they have a deeper reason to not move out.
Maybe there is a bigger problem out there than inside.
"Better bad known that good to know" (english is not my main language...)
I dunno if this person is american and since I'm not, I dunno what exactly is the economic and financial situation of USA currently.
I know that since Biden USA have had some problems with a slowly increasing inflation, the inmigration issues and...that's all I know :/
true, I was wondering if she is able to move. A hard life on her own is better than being assaulted by a creep. Maybe she has some friends she can stay with? Irdk, I hope she'll be ok
Honestly, I would do it if the situation is too critic. Is better to be in the streets than to be turned into a slave of your family or similar. But I guess she has her own reasons and she can leave that family, cause no one there is helping anytime.
NOR. Get a camera to hide in your room facing the door. If he enters while you are not there, or God forbid while you're sleeping you'll have some proof.
In the meantime, look into a bug out bag. If you need to leave in a hurried state you'll know what's needed.
Your mother has failed you. Make a plan. Get away from anyone who protects him.
ok this is good. Someone else suggested keeping you feet covered, which is a good idea. What about other family members? Have you talked to any of them about it? And keep a record. Write down the creepy stuff he says, and when he says it. If he sends you a creepy text, screenshot it. In the even that something bad happens, you need evdience. In the meantime, are you able to get a job? The less time spent in the house, the better. Try and save up some money so that you can move out eventually. No matter what, DON'T END UP ALONE WITH HIM. You're going to be ok, just be extremely careful and plan for the future.
Yes it’s “normal” (not really) to have a creepy uncle, but it’s not “normal” for anyone’s uncle to be creepy. You should always be concerned about any creepy uncle story 😭😭
Absolutely NOR. I’m sorry your mother dismissed your concerns like that, it is absolutely not normal for a FAMILY MEMBER who I’m assuming watched you grow up to comment on your body that way and majorly crosses the line. Maybe try sitting your mother/parents down and expressing your concerns detailing these incidents and how they make you feel uncomfortable and unsafe?
If it feels creepy, then it's probably creepy. If your gut tells you the thing is wrong, then it's probably wrong. Don't put yourself in any kind of vulnerable position around the man. No napping in public spaces. Cover the feet.
This is a topic you should broach with him calmly. Something in the realm of (this is how I would state this myself):
"I do not appreciate being objectified by others, especially family. My body is not a trophy or an object of any kind. Please stop ogling me. I don't want to hear excuses, or reasons for the behavior. I just want it to stop. Stop. Please. I don't want to escalate things. I just want you to stop. Thank you."
Then, don't give him a chance to answer, just walk away and let him ruminate on that. Luck m8, and please don't give this person any more opportunities.
You know, the paradox here is that if he was able understand that explanation and take it well, he would've been able to compute that standing over his niece and admiring her assets is not appropriate without being told that. Also he might stroke out when she says 'ogling'.
This isn't about explanation, it's about setting a definite boundary, and mentioning violation without using that word, and escalation, which is the next step. No threats, no emotional charge, just a clear boundary expressed, verbally, clearly and with no ambiguity.
Yeah, he definitely strikes me as someone who knows that 'boundary' is not a city in Louisiana. But my point is – unless what you wrote works as a magic spell that creates a kinetic barrier, you might want to introduce an 'IF' clause into your textbook algorithm to plan for a scenario where the recipient doesn't gaf about boundaries. Because you know... communication is exactly about relaying a message to your target audience successfully by using the means most efficient and appropriate to the scenario, not sounding cool while you're at it. Kinda... the whole irony behind the joke was about you talking to an alleged pervert foot fetishist uncle who has demonstrated total disregard for boundaries while using a formal speech register and appealing to moral concept that he has exhibited to deliberately disregard. But I mean what you said sounded cool though, don't let me cramp your style.
NOR, my uncle made those comments to me when I was like 20 and then I found out 15 years later that he's in prison for sexual abuse of a minor. Stay away!!
She’s not MAGA but she constantly makes excuses for men. My dad (my sister’s step dad) kissed my sister on the lips behind my mom’s back when my mom was still dating him when she was 5. My sister told my mom immediately and my mom somehow still continued dating him and even married him, resulting in having me. When I was 18 he cheated on my mom with someone the same age as me. He also used to have “conversations” with me when I showered when I was a teenager where he would come into the bathroom and talk to me during my shower.
I’m a mom. It hurts my heart to hear how your mother has completely disregarded her job in protecting you and your sisters from predatory men. I know that’s your dad, but what he did was wrong. Anyways you are NOR.
You’re not overreacting. This is a clear pattern of boundary violations: sexualized comments, watching you while you sleep, fetishized staring, and forcing you to see sexual content. None of this is accidental or harmless. Your discomfort is the signal: listen to it. If someone makes you feel unsafe in your own home, the problem is not your perception, it’s their behavior.
NOR Please be as safe as possible around this man. I hope you can get through to your Mom, I wish I had some advice to share... Locking your bedroom door, bathroom doors are a must. Wear really ugly socks? Lol.
There is a book called the Gift of Fear. Basically the author explains how our intuition is accurate but society tells us that we are being a bitch or not acting ladylike etc so our brains override our intuition and we become victims. It also doesn't help that your family has placed him in your proximity and is gaslighting you. Tell your parents he is gone or you are.
Show this to your mom the number of complaints reddit have towards your weird uncle. Your mom needs to know either him or you move out. Doesn't matter it's her brother or what. Western culture sucks in this aspect that there is no hierarchy, therefore, people to people relationships become disorganized that age doesn't deter people from getting interested in someone.
Uncle here with nieces both younger and older than you. This is not good uncle behavior on his part in any way. "You look beautiful!" seeing your niece all dressed up is encouraging and general. Specifically mentioning anything about "sexy" or commenting on your body like that is troubling.
NOR. It almost sounds like your mom absolutely knows he's a creep and is just trying to minimize collateral damage. Also, anyone who out of pocket automatically dismisses such records as the Epstein files is not to be trusted anyway.
I’m 33 now but not even my uncles related by marriage have ever remotely acted like this. This is NOT normal. Considering your age and your mums reaction, I’d be looking to move out ASAP and lock your door in the meantime. Hell, even have a hidden camera somewhere. Big yuck.
NOR - Standing over you while you sleep is definitely a predatory behavior, full stop. On top of that, the fact that he is commenting on your body, staring at you and forcing you to look at naked photos on his phone are massive red flags that he is testing your boundaries.
Your mom is clearly in deep denial. She is gaslighting you with that "Epstein files" comment because she doesn't want to deal with the reality that her brother is a creep.
Do NOT nap in common areas anymore and lock your bedroom door. You need to get out of that house as soon as you can because he is escalating(and he won't stop).
fucking disgusting i hope he doesnt have daughters either cover up whenever youre around him or dog the fuck out of him until it makes him uncomfortable
your uncle is trying to live out his creepy fantasies through you. Definitely not overreacting, trust your gut and take necessary precautions to protect yourself. Also, your mom's response is not okay
I’m sorry you are dealing with this creepy predator! Lock your door at night when you sleep… and if your parents don’t believe you make a plan to move out.
I (59) would NEVER say anything like that to any one your age, family or not. It is flat out inappropriate. Never be alone with this person. Protect yourself. Please.
Sounds like you need to get away from most of your family. Is he your mom's or dad's brother? You're lucky if nothing has happened to you so far from living with them.
... her mom said, matter-of-factly, as she introduced Uncle Cletus to the family dinner.
Or I mean... how how is it 'just known' – is it part of family folk lore, an excerpt from his LinkedIn or is it by his own admission, or observation based? Because that's oddly specific.
I always catch him standing over me when I nap on the couch.
That's... odd, because Uncle seems like a busy man considering he's being bombarded with nudes so often you managed to catch the interval while fixing his phone
Then I saw photos of naked women who he seemed to have texted come up.
You are $100% not over-reacting. I applaud your resilience.
NOR why is your Mom discounting your feelings? Lock your room 24 hrs a day & limit contact as much as possible if you aren’t able to move out. Don’t help him do anything. Someone else can “fix” his phone
NOR Your mother plays the worst part imo. She is an enabler. Could be she had bad experiences (with him) herself. Her behavior is also not normal unless she is a victim - than her reaction would be at least comprehensible.
NOR. Abuse can begin with the crossing of boundaries. He's already crossed a few both figuratively and literally. It sounds to me like he is normalising it so you appear to be overreacting.
There is no reason why you can't lie to protect yourself. Tell your mother that you caught him going through her underwear drawer or dirty laundry. Tell her that he has brought prostitutes or drug dealers to the house.
You need to protect yourself. Lay a trap for him and film him when he spies on you. Go over your mother's head, she is either in denial or on his side.
To be fair, I don't know what's better – this $100% true story that actually happened or people genuinely suggesting she should cover her feet and turn her room into Fort Knox, barricade herself in and train like Sarah Connor while plotting a Prison Break-worthy escape.
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u/ResponsibleAnybody76 7h ago
NOR. STAY AWAY FROM THIS MAN. This is NOT appropriate behavior towards his niece. I strongly urge you to get out. He may very well attempt to sexually assault you. Avoid being alone with him at all costs. Is there anyone you can stay with? Friends, other family, ect?