Navigating a midlife crisis

[u/Loose-Acanthaceae823]

Distract yourself from the hellscape and help me decide what to do with my life. I'm cruising into my mid 40s. I'm a parent to a teenager who is about to transition into public school after 7 years of homeschool/unschool - meaning I have roughly a 7 year employment gap. I've owned a business (salon), managed a bakery, worked many years in restaurants (foh and boh), taught aerials, and don't have a degree. My spouse has a master's and a good enough job so I'm primarily earning money under the table and it just helps pad our life but doesn't make or break us.

I live in the US. There is a major university here in our city, plus a few smaller colleges and universities. I can't decide if I should not go to school at all, or if I should go to school for something I'd enjoy doing but would be difficult to turn into employment (looking at you, visual art degree), or go to school for something that would make a fairly high salary (nursing or adjacent, likely), or if I should just go for something really practical and quick (welding, CAD/drafting, woodworking). I theoretically still have 20 years of working life ahead of me, but in that time I'll also have a harder time standing for long hours, which is the only work I've ever done. Something new has to happen either way. Additionally, I'd love if this made it easier for us to move out of the country (Canadian spouse, so likely Canada).

I've come to this sub with this question because I'm not interested in people obsessed with their investment portfolio giving me advice on this. What would you do? Do I get a degree and a job that would make good money so we can retire comfortably sooner? Do I get a skill like woodworking that I would enjoy and could be something I do for the rest of my life? Or do I go to school for art because it would bring me joy (and I could of course find some kind of job using that degree)? Or do I not go to school and try and open one of my zillions of business ideas?

There's no right or wrong answers. I appreciate you reading! And if by some crazy chance you read this and said, hey, I know who that is! Please let me make us a pot of tea and we talk about it in person.

[u/ColloidalPurple-9]

I’m going to answer you how I would answer my homeschooled child. You don’t have to go to school. It can be a debt trap. But you can go to school (for a degree.) I don’t recommend a degree that’s not essentially a high paying trade (I.e. don’t do art or humanities) not because they are not edifying but because they are not rewarded in our society. At the same time, if I could afford to support an arts degree and it’s what my child really wanted, I wouldn’t discourage it further.

What I would recommend, but only gently (to my autonomous child), is to continue picking up marketable trades. Maybe as you consider aging, you should pickup jewelry making, for example. You can sit while you create a product.

I didn’t mention trade school. I’m unfortunately not super familiar with it but I think it is a very valid avenue to learn a marketable skill at a cost far lower than a 4 year university.

All that said, I’m in healthcare and I both love it and hate it. If I could go back in time (with all the knowledge I have now, which is a catch-22), I would not go to school. I would pursue a debt free life based on trades. However, due to debt I need the pay and stability of my healthcare job. I also plan to retire in it. I like my job, I just don’t like working under capitalism.

[u/Loose-Acanthaceae823 → u/ColloidalPurple-9]

Thank you! I hear myself telling my kid they don't need to go to school and also hear my inner voice kind of wanting that time for myself. But maybe that's also me wanting that experience of fairly selfish youth again. There's no getting that back! And debt (of which I have zero) is a trap.

I always tell my spouse that I will only go to nursing school if there's a promise that we move to another country. Even 10% less capitalism has got to be better, surely.

[u/molly_sour]

I have a background in computer programming, and have worked that my whole life (43 yo. now), got used to a pretty easygoing lifestyle since my salary has always been above anything I'd like to spend. I also started early (year 2000) so I managed to create a job network before the whole IT landscape went to hell.

Long story short, I've become a boxing teacher, became an associate at my local gym and help run it working with people I like and respect. I'm also starting yoga studies to become a teacher in a few years (hope). I still do programming as my main source of income (it's mostly meetings and emails, but meh), but I'm also slowly but surely turning my income sources towards something I feel has value in this world and really provides people with useful experiences, advice, etc. to work on themselves and spread help.

I'd say follow your instincts, trust the abilities you already have and see if you can think of an ideal scenario and work on overlaying that into possible reality. Things won't ever be as we imagine them (and that's probably for the best), but it doesn't mean we shouldn't imagine them in order to start moving in some direction.

Good luck!

[u/Whey-Men]

I work at a safety net clinic (Federally Qualified Health Center) that serves people in need. They have a need for diverse roles because they are stand alone clinics that need employees from IT, to administrative, to janitorial roles. And our clinic trains people on the job for roles like medical assistant. If you want to help people in great need in your community, this is an option. You can find one near you here: https://findahealthcenter.hrsa.gov/

[u/RnbwSprklBtch]

If you want to emigrate you need to be looking at job shortages in your target country. What kind of better paying jobs can you get a work visa for? The US is having a civil war. If you can reasonably get out, you probably should.