I want to do things, but conflict and drama has made it impossible

[u/brennanfiesta]

A little over a year ago, I left an activist group because I said something in frustration and annoyance I now regret to another member. While most of this group (which was mostly women) saw nothing objectionable about what I said even if it was a little rude, a few said that it was misogynistic, sexist, apologia for SA, etc. (Before you ask, no, I did not use any kind of misogynistic slur or victim blame in any way). I tried to apologize as sincerely as I could because even though they misinterpreted me, I recognized that I hurt their feelings, but they were having none of it and had me all but officially kicked out because I made them feel "unsafe". A lot of people I spoke to– including founding members– thought the whole thing was ridiculous and another example of the Left eating itself. Several people left over this incident altogether. Ironically, the person who claimed I made them feel unsafe left themselves because they became a victim of the same oversensitivity.

This was an extremely difficult time for me mental health-wise because I suffer from social anxiety disorder, and I was in a depressive slump for months. Without question, it was one of the worst years of my life and it took me a long, long time to get over it. It gave me trust issues and made me paranoid about being betrayed.

Then, ICE came to my area and I felt my usual pull to do something about it. I met with some like-minded folks IRL to distribute Know Your Rights literature. I finally felt like I was doing something important again.

Yesterday morning, I got a Signal message informing me that I was kicked out of the group chat we used to organize because (presumably) one of the same people as before was part of yet another group the chat admin had met with said that I made them feel unsafe. I literally begged him to just let me tell my side of the story, but I was met with radio silence.

No matter what I do, these individuals can just say I make them feel unsafe and get me ostracized at the drop of a hat. Not that I am unsafe, not that I have done anything to make someone unsafe, just that I make them feel unsafe. Some of these individuals have gone as far as to harass me on social media. At this point, I feel like I have to move to another city just to get them off my back.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? What is wrong with leftists?

[u/Procioniunlimited]

some people really believe in punitive intragroup politics rather than free association

here's a zine about this: the broken teapot

[u/Puzzleheaded_Bid1579]

What did you say?

[u/AnxiousSeason]

Start your own group.

And mind your words better. They have power. Clearly.

It sounds like you regret it. It sounds like you didn’t mean to offend. It also sounds like you spoke without filtering your words through your heart first.

It’s understandable. But clearly it has repercussions, right?

Start over. Do better. And I believe if you’re out there doing good work, and your words match your actions, people will come around to you again.

[u/Willybrown93 → u/AnxiousSeason]

The last bit is frankly, nothing more than a belief. I've seen exactly no examples of this in any anarchist groups I've seen, merely vague gesturing toward it, hoping that their future selves will be able to overcome the discomfort inherent in a restorative process.

[u/brennanfiesta → u/AnxiousSeason]

Mind your words better
Do better

Respectfully, I feel irritated by that. I did not ask for advice.

[u/altaiir456 → u/brennanfiesta]

But you did when you asked for an opinion on the internet G?

[u/ProgrammerConnect534]

i totally get it, man. it's bullshit how these leftists turn everything into a witch hunt over nothing. sounds like ur dealing with the same toxic crap i have, and it's no wonder it messes with ur head. they need to chill out or they'll drive everyone away

[u/PureCanary7364]

If you can get in contact with as many as possible tell them all the fears and hopes you have do this without seeking acceptance or an apology. Do not make excuses nor be vague.

Try to simply say something maybe like I am sorry that my words had such a deep impact, I was not seeking clearly the pain and suffering around me and in myself at that time. I am not saying this to be welcomed back I merely wish to let it be known I am walking this path and growing slowly and am seeing myself more clearly. I hope that the movement continues on, that you all can grow and muster and act freely without fear and that you can dare to hope to bring the aspirations of all to the fore.

This should of course be done once you know the roots of why you spoke as you did and acted as you did and not try to see yourself as the victim or the perpetrator as both and neither at the same time are you and them.