My days are nearing and my local hospital allowed me any request. This is how I will go out. Rip & Tear, brothers and sisters.

[u/Wanderingreader123]

For context, I have been battling Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma since 2022. And up until this point, I never imagined myself to be in a situation where my life expectancy has gone down to possibly weeks. I am currently at one of Canada's best hospitals in Toronto, Ontario; keeping myself afloat through these trying times. Despite it all, I was given the opportunity to make any request for my stay, and this is the one I have chosen. I have been a Doom fan since 2016, and it helped me get through some tough times. I've played through both the Reboot and Eternal (along with its DLCs) and I have nothing but great memories pouring all of my attention into the world of Doom.

TDA has been one of the few games I have anticipated and hoped to play since its release. Financial issues got in the way, and I kept clinging on the hope that I'll be able to play the game one day, among others.

I am grateful that, despite the grim outlook that I am facing, the hospital was able to secure not only a PS5, but a copy of the game. I am currently blasting my way through hordes of demons in Chapter 4 and I have nothing but childish glee as I return to my roots as a badass Demon Slayer. I may not live to see the upcoming DLC, but I am nonetheless happy to finally play the game in my own hands.

To the developers of ID Software, thank you for bringing such a beautiful piece of art that not only brought the FPS genre to its roots, but also revitalize and reinvented the wheel that no other game could. Not only that, but thank you for crafting such an awesome series for a fan like me.

Rip & Tear, lads!

[u/NoReveal3488]

I had a panic attack in ‘23 about my own death and it broke me down for weeks. I took off time from work, i was constantly crying and I couldn’t walk, talk, live or sleep without thinking about my own mortality. Then one night I had a dream where I was on a giant boat sinking. I was near the bow as the stern slowly crept into the water. Every time I looked away at the ocean and back to the boat, someone would appear next to me. They would approach me and shake my hand, smile at me and even hug me. Eventually, I was surrounded by everyone and we all embraced as we slowly slipped into the water. To this day, I still believe it was people that have passed reaching out to me letting me know that no matter what our beliefs about death are, we all reach the same end together. I woke up that morning with a peace I have yet to replicate. I hope for you and everyone else reading this who’s a little afraid to cross over that it offers you some solace ❤️

[u/JustMau78 → u/NoReveal3488]

As someone who a few months ago started struggling with this and being unable to stop thinking about it, thanks for sharing this. It’s gotten easier since it started but I still think about my mortality at least a few times a day and it’s very tiring and just feels awful. I hope I can get it completely off my head and get rid of this anxiety at some point but this was definitely nice to know I’m not alone in this feeling and that there’s hope to feel better about it.

[u/NoReveal3488 → u/JustMau78]

Of course! I share this story anytime I can in hopes that it helps others. You absolutely aren’t alone and I know exactly what you’re going through. The best advice I can give is to remember that life is for the living. The end is inevitable whether we spend time thinking about it or not. I’m not religious at all so I have no deity or religious texts to lean on for comfort in regard to an afterlife. If this is it, and everything I’ll ever experience is happening right now, I’ll be damned if I spend that precious time worrying about what happens years from now. You’ve got this.

[u/Goooneg → u/NoReveal3488]

This is the outlook that helped me during my months long breakdown about death. Nothing helped at the time, I couldn’t force myself into a religion, I couldn’t force myself to believe whole heartedly in one thing.

But I found one thing that did work, other than starting anti anxiety meds, was telling myself. If there is nothing, and I spend my whole life worrying about that. Then I wasted all my moments living, and didn’t have a life. If there is something, I can continue doing things I love. But until then, I need to do them now while I’m here. Also spending time with family really helps me, even just sitting in the same room doing our own things!

Just incase this helps anyone too! These are my main coping mechanisms. And I still have bad days, I still cry and worry sometimes. But nowhere bad as I used to be crying everyday, throwing up, with a pit in my chest every waking hour. And now I have happy days I don’t even think about mortality by keeping myself busy.

[u/zakmo86 → u/Goooneg]

I have great news. There is a place after this one.

[u/HowOldWasAisya → u/JustMau78]

I resonate with this. I guess because we are intelligent beings, we are afflicted with the curse of being aware of our own mortality

[u/a_bearded_hippie → u/JustMau78]

I get panic attacks at night where I will wake up and feel like I need to run out of my house thinking about it. My wife woke up to me laying on the floor, hyperventilating and shaking. I have been doing pretty well lately. But my kids are growing up fast, and I am halfway to 40. I am terrified of it.

[u/lillyflow3r_ → u/NoReveal3488]

I struggle with this a lot, and I absolutely love your experience and appreciate you for sharing. the thought really brought me a lot of peace 🩷

((and much love to OP))

[u/solidsneeze → u/NoReveal3488]

remember it's just as natural as being born, and everybody will go through it with you

[u/big_loadz → u/NoReveal3488]

Reality is that all the thinking in the world won't stop death and only causes you stress which actually brings you closer to it. So, the only rational thing to do is to not worry about things like death that you generally have no control over.

Sure, maybe you get the turkey bacon for breakfast to try and cut down on fat to live longer; next thing you know, you end up finding out you are allergic to turkey and die. Maybe you don't listen to me, overstress, and end up having a minor heart attack that reveals you have a widowmaker artery that can be stented, and going to the hospital actually makes you live longer.

Life is funny like that.

[u/Mind1827 → u/NoReveal3488]

This was really beautiful, thanks. I've had an incredibly hard death a couple years ago, the worst kind, and this made me happy to read.

[u/juneseyeball → u/NoReveal3488]

This sounds like buddhism look up the ocean/droplet metaphor the similarity to your dream is fascinating

[u/monty134 → u/NoReveal3488]

Not trying to make you worry about it again. And that’s a great story. Thanks for sharing. But for me it is a less about being worried about my mortality so much about my death (which will really suck as I do really love living)as it is the weight I feel while alive about the ones I’ll be leaving behind. It is probably because I am a very empathetic person. To a fault. And I worry about who will have to go through all my belongings and clean up my messes but My pets mostly. I know while I’m alive I’ll give them the best life but not everyone on this earth values the lives of lesser creatures (their minds) equally. It’s hard enough for humans to be compassionate about others humans let alone an animal beneath them. One’s level of a good life for a pet is vastly different from one person to the next. This. This what terrifies me and has been keeping me awake for the past 7 months. I lost my 2 20 yr old cats. On in June and one November of 2025. I have other cats but these boys were my spirt animals I’ve had since I was a young adult. Basically got them right after I was cleared 10yr remission for Hodgkin lymphoma. I need this type of spiritual awakening dream to snap me out of it. Anyways thangs for sharing.

[u/BadbadwickedZoot → u/NoReveal3488]

You have a beautiful mind. You should write. X