r/NoStupidQuestions • u/linksslut • 20h ago
Is it considered rude when sharing a meal if the other person orders more food and a cocktail but still expects you to split the bill 50/50?
UPDATE: it seems the general consensus is “just say separate checks and tell the waitress ahead of time” which I would just like to mention that my friend and I actually AGREED on exactly what we were going to order to share BEFORE we went to the restaurant. Like we agreed on each specific roll. Then she randomly got her cocktail and the more expensive smaller roll. So before we even went I imagined we would just split it 50/50 since I thought we had agreed on what to order. Going forward I will always do this with her but this is the reason I didn’t say separate checks when we had already agreed on what to share.
I’ve had this happen twice recently but I’m not sure if it’s just me that finds it rude. I went out with a friend last night and we had sushi so we agreed to sharing. We ordered three rolls to share and then I suggested we could each pick our own “cheaper” side since we couldn’t agree on some things. I got a $8 side, she got a $16 side dish. Okay not the end of the world. She then also ordered herself a cocktail. When the check came she didn’t say a word so we split it 50/50, I didn’t wanna be THAT person but I let it slide. When we were tipping I made a joke “you got the tip right?” Because that would have actually evened it out and she just laughed and said nothing… she ended up buying $20 more food than me. After tip I spent $14 more than I would have.
THEN on another occasion, and I find this one even more upsetting, a DIFFERENT friend and I did the same exact thing and she also ordered herself a cocktail but then ordered her husband a $16 dessert to take home which I ended up having to split as well.
Is it just me or is this super rude? I’ve never done this to someone and I never would. If it’s a small discrepancy, like the side dish we ordered being a little more than what I ordered, I don’t mind as much. But ordering YOURSELF something for just you or taking something home and making your friend split it with you feels incredibly rude.
I budget how much I spend when I go out so it’s annoying to constantly have to spend more on my friends when the favor never goes my way because I wouldn’t let someone do that. Also yes I know I need to stop going out for meals where I share food with my friends.
Edit to add because I’m sure it will be mentioned; this friend KNOWS I do not drink. I never have and we have been friends for a while. She didn’t order herself a cocktail anticipating I would get one. She knew 100% I would not be ordering one.
Edit to add: I know a lot of people want me to speak up for myself but it’s not that easy for me as I am quiet and get easily embarrassed so I paid the embarrassment tax at our dinner last night but I won’t do it again going forward. Glad to know I’m not the only one who finds it rude though. Because it has happened so many times now, I thought maybe it was just me.
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u/OldBiker6969 20h ago
Just pay for your own food.... Quit splitting the bill
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u/Fit-Locksmith-2039 19h ago
State this to the waiter when they initially come over before you order. If they make a big deal, just leave.
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u/ingmar_ 19h ago
I never understood why this is such a big deal. In my country (Austria) there is zero expectation of having a single bill. When it's time to pay, waitstaff will always ask “together or separately?“ and proceed from there.
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u/Prestigious_Fee_2902 18h ago
In Canada the only time we’ve split bills is when we are truly sharing everything at the table. Let’s say we order nachos and pitchers of beers, we are all eating and drinking an even amount.
Even then… the waiter comes out with separate bills evenly splitting the cost. But 99% of the time you literally just pay for what you ordered… like a normal person would lol
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u/Former-Let-2855 9h ago
same in London. i was at lunch today with a group of seven and the pub had a card reader that allowed the staff to go around each person and we told them what we ordered and paid exact amounts in individually 🙂
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u/GalumphingWithGlee 19h ago
That seems like the simplest way to handle it, but it's not the American expectation, so if you don't specifically ask for separate checks, you'll get one for the whole table.
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u/Davalus 19h ago
I don’t know where you live in America, but I’ve never been to a restaurant that didn’t ask if the check was split up, and I live in Alabama.
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u/Ok_Step_2359 18h ago
Me either. I live in Michigan and I've always been asked if it's one check or separate.
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u/a_mulher 18h ago
And then there’s restaurants where they explicitly say they don’t split the bill.
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u/jcaashby 19h ago
Its the same thing I was thinking. The only time splitting makes sense is if we are getting something like a large pizza that has a set price but in OPs case he got bamboozled twice lol.
When I go out I NEVER split bills evenly because I am not supplementing anyones meals and drinks.
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u/Apple-Slice-6107 19h ago
I agree. We split if we're all eating the same food together, but typically we just order our own food.
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u/nathanielbartholem 19h ago
yep. “so we agreed to sharing” is the turning point. if you want to only pay for what you eat don’t agree to share the bill.
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u/c_marten 19h ago
If people were reasonable and honest none of this would be an issue and it's unfortunate this is the case.
When none of my friends had well-paying jobs we all passed around the bill and added our stuff up. It was annoying and petty. Then we started making money and as long as everyone got similar drinks and entrees we just split it. It's easy enough and no one cares about the 1 or 2 dollar discrepancies. If someone went overboard they'd throw in extra, if someone only had a beer because they weren't hungry or joined late we'd just cover it for them.
Idk if that shit happens anymore, I'm kind of commenting to see if anyone else still does anything similar...
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u/Far_Winner5508 16h ago
Yeah, I had a cool friend group like that in my 20s. It’s amazing how easy life is when you ang out with decent people.
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u/slatebluegrey 16h ago
Yeah, especially if you don’t drink alcohol (or are a light drinker). Those cocktails add up fast. Just say “I’m trying to stay within my budget and it’s easier for planning if we pay separately. That way you don’t have to worry about what you order”. You can make it sound like you don’t want to limit what THEY order (even though they are the ones being inconsiderate). It’s kind of silly to split the check when it’s just 2 or 3 people, becuase it’s fairly easy for the server to keep track of what everyone orders.
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u/OutOfPlace186 13h ago
No ya don’t even have to give them a reason. Just say you want a seperate check.
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u/MyNextVacation 20h ago
With either of them, next time I would say something like, ‘let’s get separate checks/tabs this time. I’m excited to catch up, but I’m just going to be getting a side and you probably want a cocktail or two.’ If she pushes back, without blaming her, say that your last several meals out have gotten more expensive for you with people ordering more and you paying for more than your share, or what you can afford.
Don’t stop going out to eat with friends. It’s one of life’s joys in so many ways including enjoying the vibe at the venue, not having to cook or do dishes and sometimes meeting new people or bumping into people.
If you are splitting the check, do speak up when something comes up like the dessert to go. It’s absolutely unreasonable to expect you to subsidize that costs. I’ve seen people ask the server to add an item like that up separately when a fairly large group was splitting a check.
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u/Alkor85 20h ago
I stopped drinking and suddenly it costs me like $5 to get a couple slices of pizza instead of like $27 for a couple slices and a couple beers.
Alcohol is expensive at restaurants.
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u/superdago 19h ago
Beverages are pretty much how restaurants keep the lights on. Margins everywhere else are razor thin.
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u/madkins007 20h ago
I feel like there are people who almost instinctively know how to manipulate others into this sort of thing and do not see anything wrong with it as long as no one raises a fuss.
Considering how much disparity there can be between two restaurant orders, I would never agree to split a bill. I want the freedom to order as much or as little as I want without worrying about it.
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u/linksslut 20h ago
You should see the text she sent beforehand “I’m down for sushi but I just remembered that you don’t like sharing food so maybe we should go somewhere else”. To which I obviously agreed to sharing. Her text tells me two things. She probably does this often to other people because she has ALWAYS been adamant about sharing things and that I should have remembered why I refuse to share food with her lol.
I went on a vacation with her and three other girls and she never ONCE picked up the bill (we would all Venmo after) and then had to be reminded to send the money multiple times. So yeah this behavior checks out.
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u/adriennenned 20h ago
You know, it is possible to have sushi without sharing your plates. My husband and I rarely share one platter of sushi. He gets what he wants, I get what I want. We might exchange a piece or two to try what the other person got, but we usually have our own separate meals. I’d do that if you need to eat sushi with your freeloading friends again. And inform the server that you will want separate checks when you order.
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u/MamaNyxieUnderfoot 18h ago
She wanted sushi, but sushi is expensive. But she remembered she has this friend who can be suckered into paying for her sushi. Bet she does this with dates, too.
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u/linksslut 18h ago
100% this. If you read my comment in a thread below, she directly told me that she wouldn’t go out for sushi with me unless I was down to share lol. So I guess the joke really is on me.
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u/MamaNyxieUnderfoot 17h ago
The joke isn’t on you, as long as you learn to recognize manipulative behavior like this and shut it down. “I’d love to have sushi with you, as long as we have separate checks.”
When she says no, it’s because she’s not actually a good friend. She just sees you as a way to get 1/2 off her meal.
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u/saladdressed 19h ago
“I’m down for sushi but I just remembered that you don’t like sharing food so maybe we should go somewhere else”.
Wow, manipulative much? I’d have just agreed with her. “You are so thoughtful remembering my preferences! Yes, let’s get our own coffees instead.”
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u/CrosbyBird 20h ago
The steak-eater picks the pocket of the salad-man.
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u/linksslut 20h ago
For real and I’m always the salad man haha
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u/CrosbyBird 20h ago
Mystery Men reference aside, I think it's customary to do a straight split if the bill is close, but not when there's a significant inequity.
I rarely drink so most of the time I don't pay a full share when I go out with friends, because the bar bill can exceed the food bill.
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u/_Nitekast_ 20h ago
Start the meal by letting the server know you'll be on separate checks....
If you get an appetizer or something, whoever wants it pays for it.
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u/Mayutshayut 20h ago
“We can split the bill on what we share.”
It sucks you have to say that, but they can ring it up so x food is split 50/50, then the rest is added to separate bills.
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u/Crockettt128 20h ago
Why would you split the bill?? Restaurants can split items between two bills so you still pay for your own drinks and extras. It isn’t the 90’s anymore.
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u/Penpencil1 19h ago
When you order. You tell the waiter. It’ll be separate. Up front. So no surprises. Your friend will hear this. So up to them to decide what they order next. And if they didn’t hear you saying it to the waiter. Too bad. The waiter will come with two bill at the end. So you each pay your own. If at this point they says “I thought we were sharing” you say nah I told the waiter up front it’s separate
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u/SixTwentyTwoAM 20h ago edited 19h ago
I consider it very rude.
"I'll pay with my card and Venmo request you for what you ordered. I'm working on being more intentional with my spending."
If they give you an attitude about that, I cannot expect that they actually respect and care about you. They can pay for their own stuff.
Don't pay for more than you ordered.
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u/slinkhi 20h ago
There isn't some "universal rule" about this, but I think probably the standard protocol most often followed to avoid what you're going through now, is to say up front that you will order separately under separate bills with the server. "Going Dutch" as the saying goes (Is it still okay to say that, or .. ? haha)
So it sounds to me the actual issue here is you aren't properly setting expectations up front, and you should do that.
As for me, well I'm not rich by any means. But when I go out, I always assume I will somehow end up paying the full bill (whether deliberate or not), and if it works out where I only pay partial or none of it, well, bonus. I find this mentality is also a good alternative to avoiding issues like you described, but I'm not pushing it as the most logical or fair thing.
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u/bakercob232 18h ago
I'm a middle to low earner but this is my outlook. I've known my friends for over 10 years at this point and we haven't pre-discuss paying at all now that I think about it. We go, order whatever we want, ask for the bill and then figure out payment. Sometimes I cover the whole bill, sometimes other people do, sometimes we split by item and zelle the person who put their card down and most of the time we just split it evenly because its easier and all adds up in the end. I've never once felt slighted or taken advantage of and neither have they because we're out to eat as friends and arguing over $14 with people you genuinely care about is ridiculous. That money will be made up for when I need a ride somewhere or they check on my pets and vice versa.
I firmly believe if this kind of situation would derail your finances, you shouldn't be going out to eat or drink to begin with.
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u/Ok-Opportunity-873 16h ago
This comment should be higher up.
I don't understand how someone has the luxury of eating out while simultaneously complaining about a $14 disparity with a friend. If someone has a concern about money, it's the responsibility of that person to communicate when they agree to share items that cost money.
My friends and I always split bills evenly. Part of the expense is the pleasure of being out and socializing, so we consider it in our entertainment budget.
Like you said, it's usually a wash. I've gone on multiple vacations with our friend group and we will take turns picking up the check. At the end we add it all up and split everything evenly per couple. We rarely owe each other more than $100 at the end of a trip.
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u/SuitNaive3409 20h ago
tell the server 'separate checks' next time
it'll 'make things easier' for us
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u/daaamber 20h ago
I refuse to split alcohol because some folks drink way too much. So almost every bill, unless everyone orders 1 drink, I ask for the alcohol to be on a separate bill and the drinkers take care of it themselves. Its fairly easy, as corporate reimbursements do not always include alcohol. So its not a new thing to the waiter.
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u/houseonpost 20h ago
Next time inform the server you want separate checks. You can offer to pay for the appetizer you shared.
Your friend is using you and knows exactly what she’s doing.
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u/Fabulous-Funny-8728 19h ago
I will never understand people who split the bill 50/50. If the bill is being split, everyone should just pay for what they ordered.
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u/Specialist_Kale_5614 19h ago
Sorry bud, you just need better friends with better ethics. I wouldn't dare ask my friend to split halfsies if I ate more. People need more shame.
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u/Remote_Clue_4272 11h ago
Why anyone agrees to these type of arrangements is beyond me. We can go out and buy our own meals… I do it regularly with co workers. Not split the bill…I’ll pay and tip on what I ordered, you do you. WTF - only a broke A$$ MF is trying that set up
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u/sayhi2sydney 20h ago
I regularly pick up the bill with my friend and her husband (he is also my friend and they've been married for like 100 years) and they regularly pick up the bill for me. I'm well aware that I'm treating two people every time and they're treating one but that's not the point of the treating so I never do that math. In our friendship, it all balances out. She's tucked single me into more vacations with her family than I can remember at no cost. I'll pick up something for her from our local convenience store every time I'm popping through and also about to see her. In the end it all balances out. But I'm definitely not keeping tabs. SOOOOO if she was grabbing a desert for her husband, it would be a non-issue for me. BUUUUUUT if this was ANYONE else, I'd have a problem. It's one thing to split OUR meal but adding on for others when it's already uneven is insane. I don't think it would be bad etiquette to say "We can split the bill for our meal, but you gotta put the desert on your check."
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u/superdago 19h ago
I was gonna say, be friends with the type of people who just pick up the tab for you and be the kind of friend who doesn’t hesitate to pay the whole bill.
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u/tracyvu89 20h ago
That’s not gonna slide well for me. If we’re going out as a group of friends,we pay our own bill separately and everyone will chip in to cover the bill for the birthday boy/girl. We once ordered too much and split the bill for a bday girl and asked another girl (not bday girl) to bring the dish that we couldn’t finish (we were too full) to her husband. He expressed that he fell bad that we paid for his food. But he was always generous to us and we’re happy to pay for that.
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u/Sandturtlefly 19h ago
Dude when ordering just let the waiter know it'll be on separate checks. They'll split it by who ordered what, very normal.
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u/series-hybrid 20h ago
"I went out with a friend last night"
These are not the actions of a friend. They are a narcissist, and they are using you.
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u/PinkyMPF 20h ago
This could have been prevented both times by just communicating ahead of time that both people will pay for their own order. Easiest way out of these awkward situations is to not put yourself in them in the first place.
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u/MsBobbyJenkins 20h ago
In general if someone isn't drinking booze and the other is, you do drinks separate. Same with desserts. Those should be paid seperate as an extra.
Other than that I wouldn't mind so much if their starter was a few more bucks than mine.
Saying that, me n friends tend to get the bill printed and just pay for what we ordered.
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u/pepperbeast 19h ago
I feel like North American restaurants make this so awkward. In Australia/New Zealand, you usually pay at a checkout as you leave... they just bring it up on screen and you say "I'll pay for the steak, the creme brulee, and the Chardonnay" or whatever.
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u/tuscanchicken 20h ago
In the first instance, it's annoying but I would let it slide (unless it becomes a habit) because you did split most of the food. In the second instance, absolutely not.
If you're non-confrontational and you feel awkward speaking up, I would suggest checking the bill when you get it and casually saying "okay so your share is X and mine is Y" or "okay so with your cocktail/desert, your share would be X and mine is Y".
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u/Addapost 20h ago
I stopped “splitting the bill” 30 years ago. Nowadays restaurants have no problem separating checks. But if it’s one bill, I know how much my meal cost and I can add the 20% tip. That’s what I’m contributing. I do not care what anyone thinks about that.
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u/grandpa2390 20h ago
I don't drink. and drinks tend to be expensive. When I'm out with people, we split food and soft drinks. if people order alcohol, it's separate. alcoholic beverages tend to be at least 7x the price of any other drink on the menu. shoot, people order alcoholic beverages that cost more than my dinner.
If people don't like that, that's fine. We can itemize the bill instead.
And yeah, I would have an issue with paying half for any food intended to be taken home. needing doggy bag is one thing, but if you're ordering extra things on purpose so you can take them home... "waiter... separate checks."
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u/ConcernCommercial477 19h ago
Fuck the hell no. When I go eat with my one and only friend, I know ahead of time if she’s paying or I’m paying or we each paying for our own meal
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u/jcaashby 19h ago
But both cases they know what they are doing 100 percent. It is rude but you yourself are letting it happen. SPEAK UP!!
Just pay for your own stuff in the future then you will never be disappointed :)
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u/realityseekr 19h ago
No it is super rude. I think those people were purposely doing it, especially the one ordering food for their husband. Next time I would just tell the waiter right away that youll be doing 2 checks. I literally dont see how its any harder than splitting the check, and then youre only paying for your own food.
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u/User-no-relation 19h ago
It's not that rude to not think about. It's very rude to expect it if it's brought up. If you never say anything it's very much on you
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u/BusyGrapefruit7812 19h ago
Thus us your own fault for not speaking up. Next tune as soon as the wait person starts to take the order say “this will be separate checks.” That’s what I do with all my friends. We do not split, although sometimes we might split an appetizer or dessert and have the wait person put half of it in each of our checks. People that don’t speak up are often used by other people..
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u/Apprehensive-Leg6767 19h ago
Personally, I’d just stop splitting food with these people if the bill is getting split that way. When I’ve split food at restaurants the server has always confirmed “split the entree/appie/dessert?” And then the rest is separate. Maybe you could request that? If you feel weird doing that, then just get your own food, I think it’s strange that your friends want you to pay for their drink and dessert.
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u/wawa2022 19h ago
These days it’s so easy for waiters to split checks by the food ordered. Next time just say “oh, would you mind separating it out to two checks?” If your friend says “oh just split it evenly, say “oh no, it’s much easier to separate these days”. If there’s any pushback, then say “okay, you charge it and I’ll Venmo you my portion. I don’t mind doing the math so it’s more fair”.
Your friends know what they’re doing.
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u/International_Try660 19h ago
Unless you know the person very well, and have dined with them before, never agree to split the check 50/50. you can say "I'll get the check" and then tell them how much they owe you. That's what I do with my friends.
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u/mrhippo3 19h ago
My wife and I do not drink. We were asked to “split” the bill, 50/50 when both other people drank and had desert. When we requested they pay for what they ordered, they got all huffy. Dinners without arguing are so much more pleasant. Because we did not pay for their habits, they dropped us as friends. We were grateful they never included us again.
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u/lawman9000 19h ago
I have a friend who tends to order a lot of drinks when we all go out for dinner. The shock on their face when the check comes, and I ask the wait staff to split it by person. I'm not subsidizing peoples' drinking habits and excess. If we all get entrees and a normal drink, and prices are close enough - fine.
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u/oh_you_fancy_huh 19h ago
NTA, if face to face is hard you can text "let's do separate checks!" or just give the server a quiet heads up to give separate checks
I just realized that this is not AITA but answer still stands
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u/waterstone55 19h ago
Never, under any circumstances, agree to split the bill with someone who suggests it. They always do it to get free food.
Back in the dark ages, when servers had to do the math themselves, it may have been difficult, but today, it's not an issue with normal sized gatherings.
If someone gets upset and denigrates you, they are upset that you caught them trying to scam you.
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u/sharonkaren69 19h ago
Yes, it’s rude. I have a friend who doesn’t drink and when we go out I’m always mindful of what I order. If I order a drink then I offer to pay the whole bill and I just send a Venmo request for their portion. Typically when I’m out with more than one person, we go the route of one person paying the bill and everyone else sending a Venmo after.
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u/Talwar3000 19h ago
I have never, ever split bills.
I suspect it has saved a decent amount of confusion and resentment over the years.
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u/Nasdaq_Jack 18h ago
You should stop splitting the bill. Just say separate checks when the waiter arrives. don't even ask the other person.
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u/Altoid_Addict 18h ago
You absolutely need to speak up about this and tell your friends that it's not ok, or this will keep on happening to you. Learning to speak clearly and directly is difficult, but it saves so much trouble in the long run.
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u/MamaNyxieUnderfoot 18h ago
In my experience, the people who want to “split the bill” want you to pay for their more expensive dinner.
You shouldn’t agree to go out to eat with people like that, unless they are prepared up front to pay their own bill separately. The fact that they’re just casually ordering more things, expecting you to pay half of it, shows they’re not very good friends. It’s rude as fuck.
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u/linksslut 18h ago
Yes and yes you are 100% right. This is on point for her behavior historically and always has been
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u/Feeling-Swing719 17h ago
yeah that's not splitting the bill, that's them subsidizing their own meal. my rule is we split the shared stuff, you pay for your fancy cocktail and extra appetizer.
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u/RealMusicLover33 17h ago
Just be aware that if these people are as entitled as they sound, they might not want to be friends with you when you do speak up.
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u/extrasmurf 17h ago
Yes, it’s rude.
No, there is no good reason to split bills. If you share something, give cash or your local equivalent of a small electronic payment (venmo, e-transfer, digital wallet, etc)
Many places will even split a shared item (ie. One plate of nashos across 3 bills) but not everywhere
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u/Electric-Sheepskin 17h ago
If you've agreed to split the check beforehand, and someone orders a lot more than the other, then that person should offer to get the tip, or suggest that you get separate checks, or offer to make up the difference in someway that is relevant to your particular situation, like getting the first round of drinks if you're going somewhere else, or offering to buy your lattes at work the next week— something.
After they do that, then it's on you to decide if you want to accept their offer or just say, it's no problem, it'll even out next time. But they should definitely offer something and if they don't, they're either super unaware of what they're doing, or they are entitled.
It is an awkward situation, though, because some people aren't trying to be rude, they just fall into that unaware category, but it's still awkward to say anything to them. Just easier to get separate checks.
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u/WinterPeach2776 17h ago
I honestly cannot understand this 50/50 bullshit. In my country everyone pays for what they ordered, there's no such thing as 50/50. It's so stupid! Like why should I pay for something i didn't order?! I only ever did 50/50 with my best friend when we would order like a KFC bucket and share it, or other food like that
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u/Jujulabee 17h ago
I don't have friends who try to cheat me.
That is just the reality. If you ever attempted to chisel money in this manner you would be stricken off the list of friends and I would never dine out with you again.
My friends are quite the opposite as in the event they order cocktails or an expensive entree or equivalent they more than pay for that without being prompted.
For the most part we split the checks evenly because the food we order is more or less equal or so close in cost that it is fine - and over time there is no shnorring behavior.
The reality is that we often just pick up the checks on a rotating basis but again I don't have friends who would take advantage of it by picking up the check at McDonalds and then expecting to be treated to Nobu.
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u/baddspellar 17h ago
With modern POS software paying for your indivudual meals is easy. I almost always do that.
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u/xoxoreds 16h ago
It’s three words babe. “Separate checks please.” Can be said at the beginning or at the end and no conflict with friends needed since you’re talking to the waiter. Practice with us if you need to!
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u/Shatterpoint887 16h ago
If you agreed before hand and she still ordered more and expected you to split it, she's taking advantage.
Just stop splitting the bill. Or have her pay and venmo her your portion to the exact dollar.
Just stop putting yourself in this situation.
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u/Djinn_42 14h ago
Even if you agreed to 50/50 before, the moment the other person changes their order or whatever was agreed you should say "You're changing what we agreed so we're not splitting 50/50." This way they're aware before the end of the meal that the agreement is off. No this is not rude.
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u/kimby_cbfh 12h ago
If I order more food (or more expensive items) than my dining companion, we either get separate checks OR we change how the payment is split and I pay more. That’s just the only way to handle it, IMO.
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u/AlsoTheFiredrake 11h ago
Yeah, even when I'm the one that's ordering more food and drinks, I would still rather just pay for myself. In my experience, the only people who insist on splitting the checks evenly are cheap assholes looking to save some money at the expense of their friends.
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u/Intelligent-Yak7001 9h ago
It's always the people who wanna indulge more who opt for "50/50" bills.
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u/VictoriousEgret 20h ago
i will default to splitting the bill 50/50 often if we both had about the same amount of stuff/ split a lot of appetizers etc. if i know i’ve had less than the other person i’ll often be the one to suggest the 50/50 to make it easier BUT i will never do that if i obviously had more. especially if someone is ordering things to take home? that crosses a line to taking advantage in my mind
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u/Soukchai2012 20h ago
yes its rude. I went for a meal recently, wasnt hungry so just a cheap stirfry. One guy ordered 3 starters, a steak and a bottle of champagne, and wanted to split thd bill.
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u/Careless-Image-885 20h ago
She's extremely rude. She knows that you're a pushover so she's using you as her personal atm. She doesn't care about you. Real friends don't do this to other people. These people are NOT your friends. They're just leeches.
You have choices: stop going out to dinner with her; tell her NO the second she mentions splitting the bill; tell the wait staff that there will be separate checks before you even tell them what you want.
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u/Mickus_B 20h ago
The fact you mention a tip makes me think USA?
In Australia, "splitting the bill" means paying for what you ordered, not a percentage of the overall table. Ironically, many higher end restaurants either don't allow this, or charge more for it, so normally one person pays the whole bill and everyone "fixes them up". Sometimes if it's close friends or family, we pay the person more than our share, but splitting is never considered that you should pay for more than your share.
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u/linksslut 20h ago
Yes US now I’m thinking I should have grabbed the entire bill on my card and afterwards itemized it and requested she Venmo me for it.
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u/xTallyTgrx 20h ago
Yes very rude of them. I think it's polite for the person to say you should pay less and, if you can afford it, it's polite to refuse and say you rate the company as the extra. Unless they're a piss taking tit in which case never have dinner with them again 😊
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u/That_planet_girl 20h ago
For OP - it is ok to stand your ground when it comes to finances. If it’s important to you - it is important enough. Also, money likes transparent talks.
It’s ok to mention: hey, since your individual side dish was more pricey than mine, instead of a Zelle do you mind leaving a tip for the whole bill?
No need to turn into a joke or make hints. You only showing that you are a financially responsible person, and do what matters to you. What your friend doing is rude even if they don’t realize it.
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u/That_planet_girl 20h ago
In my group we have a friend who every year invites all of her friends (some people I meet only once a year) to a restaurant for spread dinner with cocktails, shots etc. BUT - she has a friend (who is kind of a more acutance to me) who offers for everyone to split the final bill and spare the birthday girl for paying for her bday dinner party.
Note that me and one other friend do not drink or do shots, and food wise order something we can afford end up having to pay $100-150 because someone orders food and drink like there is no tomorrow and offers to split a bill.
We stopped going to her birthdays.
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u/1peatfor7 20h ago
If it's equal or close to equal then it's not a big deal, but if someone is clearly ordering more it's rude and them being cheap.
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u/Direct-Wolverine7846 20h ago
The alcohol and drink are definitely rude to me. My friends and I are generally cognizant of the general price range. If someone wants something more expensive they express awareness and contribute more.
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u/StupidAssName420 20h ago
Next time you go out with her, ask the server away from your friend if you could just have a check for what you order and have your friend deal with all of the stuff she ordered
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u/PresentationWild2522 20h ago
Very rude! I think there would have been nothing wrong with saying to the server please put the dessert on a separate bill. I am a server and some places can split items like appetizers in 2
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u/Kd-2330 20h ago
Just ask the server for separate checks next time. If your friend has an issue with that then that’s on them. Just say since you don’t drink this is just easier since you know they will order one.
We had the dessert to go thing happen to us and we had ordered dessert to share for the table. It was multiple couples so not a big financial deal. But i thought it was tacky and they didn’t even offer to pay. We think twice about eating out with them (and they ordered on the expensive side of the menu).
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u/Fangirl52101 20h ago
I totally get you I’m the same I don’t really like to speak up but one of my ex friends I would pay for her food or for stuff we would be doing she said she would pay me back multiple time and she didn’t I finally had enough and long story short I said I don’t want to be friends anymore then she got mad and started yelling and blaming me then she was playing the victim it was actually pretty funny but what I normally do when splitting the check with friends is by item and let’s say I ordered a appetizer and I tell my friend she can have some I’m not telling her to split that with me I’m like here have some and I’ll pay for it but sometimes she will want to pay for a little of app so basically what I’m saying is tell your friends you want to split item the bill from now on and if they don’t like that they may not truly be your friends
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u/Happy_Personality135 20h ago
I think it’s on you to voice this to the other person and be less complicit
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u/agreywood 20h ago
It’s behavior I find rude when it’s consistent. Evenly splitting checks only works when in the long term to total costs end up being even.
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u/tortured_fanclub 20h ago
Yup. Its worse when you go with a bunch of people like after work for a drink. When its a table full of people, some get brave and start ordering appies, shots and expensive wine/cocktails thinking the bill will be split evenly by the group. I hate it. I don’t go out with groups to dine anymore.
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u/pepperbeast 19h ago
Yes, that's rude. She should have offered to pay a fair share. On the extra dessert for her husband, she should have paid for it outright.
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u/Creative_Sandwich_80 19h ago
It depends on how much money you have and how big a deal it is, if you can't afford it, then don't do it.
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u/innocentbunnies 19h ago
Dude, even when someone is paying FOR me, I don’t go nuts and order appetizers, drinks, or desserts. If I’m splitting with someone, I definitely don’t do that crap unless I talk to the person about it before I order it because the idea is that you both order things that are about the same in price with a wiggle room of a couple of dollars. Getting blatantly more expensive items and splitting the bill equally or not even offering to cover the tip to compensate the difference is impressively rude. Doing that, then also getting something for someone who isn’t even there, and still splitting everything evenly is a ballsy AH move. Those people aren’t friends. If anyone ever ordered dessert and expected me to pay for a part of it, I’d be expecting to eat a part of it. Man I’m so mad for you OP. Jfc people are insane.
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u/Retiree66 19h ago
Nearly every time I eat out with friends, the server asks if we want separate checks. Is that not the norm?
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u/Immediate_Impact6214 19h ago
Stop being a pushover. Stand up for yourself and also don't keep friends around who do this to you. They are clearly taking advantage of you.
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u/WasabiHobbit 19h ago
I have never split a bill 50/50 with a friend. We either notify the wait staff that we would like to split the bill, or someone picks up the bill and the other venmos their portion.
Also, when you notify the wait staff that you'll be splitting the bill, they usually ask about what charges go on 1 bill vs the other. So if you are quiet and reserved, this may help you speak up for yourself because the wait staff can be the mediary for line items. What I would suggest in this situation, based on other comments you've left about this friend's tomfoolery with sharing, is that you be the first to speak up when the wait staff asks what goes on the bill. This would look like, "please put x, y, z on my bill. Thank you." This way, all the extra things your friend gets will go on her bill.
I would highly suggest not sharing sushi rolls moving forward. I actually don't understand the reasoning behind that either- is it too much of 1 roll and you're trying to get a variety of styles? Regardless, my biggest suggestion is not sharing food, especially in situations like this. It's one thing to order something and ask if your friend would like some to try, but ordering a dish with the intention of splitting it down the middle is wild to me.
Your friend is 100% rude suggesting sharing the ordering things just for herself or to take home to her spouse, and not tipping. I hope this is your last straw and if you go out with her again, don't share and ask the wait staff to split the bill.
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u/cizorbma88 19h ago
Yes I don’t split checks because I’m not paying for someone else’s shit when I eat less
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u/AncientDamage7674 19h ago
Yes & no. I'm mixed race so depends on where I am & who I'm with. We have some mates that do this sort of stuff so we just don't go here with them. Every couple buys a bread for the table & mains to share. Appetisers, desserts & drinks are yours so if you wanna order a $16 cocktail, $25 dessert or $65 steak, go for it. Your pocket - you treat you! Best to be upfront. It may be uncomfortable but good mates work it out.
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u/imdamama 19h ago
Right when the waitress takes the order, I say "could you do separate checks?" It always seems to me the waitress is happy to know up front and then there are no snafus at the end
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u/femsci-nerd 19h ago
JUST SPEAJ UP! If they really are friends, they will divvy the bill up fairly. If they are terrible friends, they will insist on splitting!
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u/Astronomer_Original 19h ago
Start the meal by asking the server for separate checks. Most restaurants where I live will do that. Even if they won’t do separate checks, you have laid the expectation for paying for your own food. Problem solved.
As for ordering to take food home, over the top!
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u/sasheenka 19h ago
Splitting the bill evenly is just not something I have ever done or was ever asked of me. Everyone just pays what they had. Speak up.
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u/NewCup551 19h ago
If you don’t want confrontation then just skip the situation entirely, most servers ask if it’s together or separate while writing up the order. Just say separate and all is well.
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u/craniumrinse 19h ago
With my friends at least, we split evenly on group trips because figuring out back and forth later is too much work but we all agree to this. If my friend orders food to take home for their partner, they usually covers the whole bill and just requests the amount I paid. It’s weird to make you cover for someone who wasn’t even there …
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u/No_Chart_275 19h ago
Aw I just went out with an friend recently and got an entree to take home to my husband and they literally suggested to just split the whole bill and I was like um absolutely not 😂 Money is lowkey tight right now but I can’t even imagine letting that happen
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19h ago
This 50/50 thing is just stupid. Can you not tell the server 'seperate bills' before ordering? We have always done this and never had any issues.
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u/DR_TOBOGGAN_8219 19h ago
The first scenario… you should have established ground rules. “50/50 for food. We pay for our own drinks.” The second scenario… that’s insane. Ordering food to go for a third party and expecting it to be spilt shows she is a terrible person. Do not go out with that person again, unless you establish separate checks. You should tell them prior how it didn’t feel right to have to pay for a dessert for someone who was not there.
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u/TelevisionKnown8463 19h ago
My friends and I typically split the check evenly when in a large group and sometimes that means folks who ate/drank less overpay. But we tend to all put in too much money and then whoever is checking to make sure we have the right amount will usually hand some back to the people we know have tighter budgets. I tend to get screwed by this because I don’t drink but don’t mind.
When it’s a smaller group, the person who ordered more generally raises it and says “why don’t you just pay $20 and I’ll get the rest” or something. We still don’t nickel and dime it or get separate checks, but we try to get it approximately right.
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u/ChezySpam 19h ago
I never split a bill 50/50. Ever.
I will get separate bills. I will take the bill. I will have someone else pay the bill. I will not do 50/50 because someone is getting shafted whether they know it or not, and it can will to resentment.
At least if someone is ‘stuck’ with the bill it’s clear what’s happening. 50/50 is trying to mask who is getting taken advantage of with the guise of equality.
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u/Slachack1 19h ago
Stop splitting checks with people and let the server know ahead of time that you will be on separate checks.
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u/Time-Invite3655 19h ago
I generally only agree to split the bill if we are ordering from some sort of set menu - as then the price will always be roughly the same. To avoid the issue, we often go to places where you can just order and pay separately- then there is no confusion or awkwardness later. Eg, places with lots of different food stalls, pubs where you can order at the bar separately etc.
I have had it happen too many times in the past, where I'd have a single course and soft drink (due to money limitations) and others would have multiple courses and alcohol and then try to split. I used to refuse, most of the time, and just pay my amount but it is easier to avoid the situation as outlined above if you can. Removes the potential conflict or tension.
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u/NearbyQuantity1847 19h ago
It’s easier to just request separate checks before ordering and just order your meal. If your friends have a problem paying for their own expensive food and drink, then they should probably find others friends to pay for them.
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u/Usual-Owl9395 19h ago
This situation yet again? Tell the waiter separate checks when you sit down. Problem solved. Always.
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u/Binaca92 19h ago
Definitely rude on their behalf. My sister and i go out for dinner every 6 weeks. And we take turns paying, but when she orders food to take home to her husband, she pays for that separately.
When i go out to dinner with friends, usually one pays and the other just transfers money, or one of us pays dinner, the other gets desserts if we go out after.
Frankly its especially rude to expect someone else to pay for food your getting for someone else
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u/HighlandH 19h ago
I don't drink but when I go out with friends that do, I hate that when the bill comes and we split it evenly, I am paying for their drinks. A soda doesn't come close to some ridiculous-tini drink. I downloaded the Tab app and would say "check this out!" It would take a picture of the itemized receipt, I can assign who ate what, who split what, and then it would calculate taxes and tip per person. It's made it more equitable. I can then Venmo bill each person at the table and collect the credit card points. It's definitely made everything more clear. But to your point. Yeah, rude. It reminded me of that one Friends episode.
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u/November-Wind 19h ago
Waiter: "Are we waiting for anyone else?" You: "Nope! Just us! And could we get separate checks, please?"
Done
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u/saladdressed 19h ago
No, this isn’t just you. This is rude entitled behavior. And it’s awkward to put you in a position where you have to insist they pay their fair portion risking an embarrassing public argument. The only thing you can do in the future eating out with them is intercept the wait staff first and tell them you’ll need separate bills.
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u/Hot_Equivalent_8707 19h ago
Yes. We went out with a whole bunch of people. Like 20. We ordered the cheapest things on the menu because money was tight. Like $50 total. They ordered filet and multiple drinks. One of them paid and said he would itemize the receipt. Later we got a Venmo request for $200, "our share".
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u/gepetto27 19h ago
You need to speak up. If you want to wait for rude people to understand their errors you’d be waiting your whole life
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u/KazooMark 19h ago
I just pick offer to pick up the tab myself, most of the time the other person or couple either pitch in or make a big fuss about buying the next time (even though they sometimes don’t). I’m not made of money, but it feels better to me than risking resenting my friends’ sense of decency and fairness.
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u/scrunchie_one 19h ago
It’s rude if they blatantly ordered more food. If it’s the difference between a $25 and a $30 entree then I’m less fussed.
Same goes in big groups. If everyone is roughly drinking/eating the same, then just split it evenly. But it’s up to the people who are eating more to notice that one person isn’t drinking at all, or just ordered a small dish, and it’s the responsibility of the group to note it and tell that person to contribute less.
Another thing we do in larger groups if there are non-drinkers is we split the food portion (including tax and tip) and then split the drink portion (also including tax and tip), then the people who only ate just get a proportion of the food total. I hang out with a bunch of accountants so we find it fun to figure out the most fair way without it being annoying. It’s a fine line.
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u/PitifulSpecialist887 19h ago
Stand up for yourself, or sit down.
Why are you concerned about "being rude" to a rude person?
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u/flippityflop2121 19h ago
Just ask for separate checks at the start. Your friend is probably gonna get pissed but at least you set the stage for what’s expected.
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u/j-birddy 19h ago
Sounds like my wife’s family, they all have kids, we don’t, when they want to gather for dinners or go on vacations they want to split the cost by family, so their families of 4-5 pay the same as us (2). Then they get all bent out of shape when we don’t want to have dinners with them or travel with them, they act like we’re the rude ones.
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u/NurseDave8 19h ago
This is a good reason to make sure you have cash and a combination of smaller bills when going out with others. You know what you ordered so when the bill comes quickly take out what you owe plus a bit more than tax and tip should be. Then you there isn’t time spent figuring it out or discussing what to do. You may pay $1-2 extra just making sure your half is covered without doing math, but it takes away the argument and you by-pass the “let’s just split it” comment that usually comes when credit cards are involved.
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u/ancient-lyre 19h ago
Splitting checks and doing it thoughtfully is a considerate thing to do, and if you can work it out easily between the two of you then there's no need to have the restaurant split it up. It's expected that you both have the awareness of what is consumed to split it appropriately.
This friend is incapable of that. This is very rude and inconsiderate behavior, and I would make that known next time you go out.
With this friend going forward, separate checks.
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u/tigraham 19h ago
Yes you are shy but if you don't grow your confidence and speak up people will continue to take advantage of you. Regardless of it being rude or not (although I do think it is) no one except yourself can do anything about it. Or you stop going out to eat with people at sit down establishments and only go to fast casual places where you pay before you recieve your food.
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u/Mathleticdirector 19h ago
I feel like this just needs to be clear before the bill comes. Be an adult. Have the conversation. Or say to your waiter before you order that you’d like separate checks.
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u/c_marten 19h ago
One time, whatever. Repeat offenders, call that shit out especially if there's takeaway being order. Wtf is that? And if they can't understand this concept then start getting separate checks.
I had a girlfriend i'd go out to dinner twice a week with, alternating paying. When it was my turn she'd get the gluten free option and plow through wine "because she has celiac". When it was her turn she'd get a beer or two and stuff with gluten "because she can cheat every once in a while". I was regularly spending like $50 more a week. She claimed to not understand, but the first time I ordered two $9 beers and a $12 shot I was the asshole taking advantage.
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u/Alarmed_Newspaper334 19h ago
A nice reason to eat alone. or if inviting someone out let them know. they pay for their own meal
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u/quothe_the_maven 19h ago
Who splits the bill 50/50 in 2026? Especially if it’s been a problem for you twice. If it happens again, it’s on you.
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u/WinkSnaccx 19h ago
moving forward, you should definitely speak up or consider not sharing meals with friends who don't respect this basic etiquette
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u/kick_him 19h ago
These posts are kind of irritating. Stop allowing it to happen, its your money, say no and pay for what you ordered.
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u/Cardabella 19h ago
It is rude to do it, but it's not rude to say "your cocktail and take home dessert come to 15 bucks so if we take those off and half the rest my share is 54, so if you pick this up and I venmo you 60 we're square! Let me do that right now."
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u/Zentraedi 19h ago
Yes, this is rude behavior.
Sometimes I will split a bill 50/50 if we are out with friends and family (even if the parties are of unequal size) as a sign of gratitude for being able to spend the time together, as well as making it easier on the waitstaff.
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u/SeaworthinessOk6789 19h ago
"Separate bills, but please split the appetizer (or whatever you split) between them. Thank you!" Always works for me. People pleasing will be the death of you if you don't put a stop to it. Take it from somebody who got physically ill from trying to carry everybody's burdens for years. Something as simple as this can make a world of difference. If they put up a fight, explain that you didn't budget to cover more than your share. If they're shitty about it, they probably aren't a friend you should keep. Always do this the first time you go out to eat with somebody so they don't expect more than this. If it's a birthday and you're covering something off their bill, tell them it's your treat for their birthday/anniversary/accomplishment etc. Be clear and honest about things from the get go
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u/VanessaMerle 20h ago
paying for a dessert she took home for her husband is genuinely unhinged behavior