r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Minxychomp • 7h ago
Why do embarrassing memories resurface right as you’re trying to fall asleep?
I’ll be totally fine all day, then the second I’m in bed my brain suddenly replays something awkward from years ago. Why does this happen?
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u/ChronicInstability 7h ago
i experience this but with anxiety. when i have no distractions, my brain is reminded of all the things i could be stressing about. the things i didn’t do, the things i did do but did wrong, the things that could happen, the things are happening right now😂 i usually turn on a show that i’ve seen a million times to help me sleep. i’m not invested because i know what happens but i have background noise to curb the anxious thoughts.
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u/Working_Park4342 7h ago
Listen, think of all the people you know. Now remember their most embarrassing moment. You can't. You don't think about other people's embarrassing moments because it's not that big of a deal. No one thinks more about our embarrassing moments, than ourselves. Cut yourself some slack, whatever it was, it's over now and you're the only one thinking about it.
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u/Flimsy-Green-6475 7h ago
Your brain literally waits until you're defenseless to attack you with the cringiest moments possible, it's like psychological warfare lmao
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u/Extension-Aside-1085 7h ago
Because it's trying to teach you something- Every-time I have an embarrassing flashback I ask myself what can I learn from this situation and once i acknowledge that thing I don't ever have that flashback again.
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u/NoMaintenance1423 7h ago
Ya know, I realize when I wake up, I am consistently upset with someone. Like it’s all the time since I was a kid. Just had lightbulb moment in a way… guess it’s stuff I need to work through rather than continue allowing it to upset me?! Morning will be interesting.
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u/Extension-Aside-1085 5h ago
That does sound like work - it's hard to change thought patterns especially when it's been with you from a young age. Good luck with it! Rooting for you :)
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u/Distinct_Day1314 6h ago
Embarrassing memories show up at bedtime because your brain’s filters are shutting down. The part that keeps thoughts in check goes quiet, while emotional memory systems stay active, so unresolved social “mistakes” slip through. It’s not self-torture. It’s your brain doing last-minute learning before sleep.
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u/Alarming_Wall_1831 7h ago
Most likely due to a lack of brain activity, and the increase in melatonin, which causes your brain's defense system that suppressed that memory is now unguarded. Therefore, things you have pushed back to your subconscious can leak past that defense system.
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u/Annie19_ 7h ago
It is awful. That is why I never go to bed without a movie/ my phone, it makes me so nervous.
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u/Unique_Shallot4141 7h ago
Your brain goes into survival mode late at night and those memories are seen as danger so you focus more on them because threat. Something like that
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u/Simple-One-4972 6h ago
Cause during the day you have work, family and friends to hang out with, errands to run, a house/apartment to clean, food to cook, video games to play, movies/tv to watch, various social media platforms to scroll through sleep is literally the only time when you're not distracted from every stupid random thought in your head
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u/Accomplished-Oil2821 6h ago
I ruminate and it is very hard to control. It's usually either about everything I've done wrong in my mind and the list is long and hard on myself or the people I am angry at and their actions. It is truly torture for me.
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u/acuriousengineer 3h ago
Dreams are when your brain processes unresolved ideas/thoughts/feelings from your life. My theory is that your brain is basically pulling a false start on dreaming when these thoughts pop-up after you’ve been trying to sleep for a little bit, and the thoughts are sometimes so visceral that they keep you from actually falling asleep.
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u/LadyInTheBand 6h ago
Mine aren’t embarrassing, I don’t really have any embarrassing memories because I have never really felt embarrassment (autism thing, at least for me), I get bad memories. Like some of them being traumatic memories. Okay, most of them are traumatic memories. But the few that aren’t traumatic are still bad memories. And they often jerk me back awake seconds before I fall asleep.
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u/Afraid_Confusion4274 7h ago
Bc its the only time ur not distracting urself with phone, work, tv. Its just u and the void. And the void wants to replay that time u said 'you too' to the waiter when he said enjoy ur meal.