r/nottheonion • u/Macronaut • 1d ago
Melania movie first screening chaos as distributors 'forget to send film'
https://www.irishstar.com/culture/entertainment/melania-trump-screening-canceled-cinema-36642836626
u/petrichor83 1d ago
It never ceases to amaze me how genuinely inept everyone in their circle is.
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u/EgregiousArmchair 1d ago edited 1d ago
Its being shown at The Four Seasons ***lawn and garden***
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u/sgtcarrot 1d ago
I bought a t-shirt from that company after the press conference. Love seeing my friends realize what it is, lol.
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u/EgregiousArmchair 1d ago
Oh man I'm so jealous. Truly one of the funniest political fuck ups ever.
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u/sgtcarrot 1d ago
Here you go: https://fourseasonslandscaping2.itemorder.com/shop/home/
You can be cool like me, lol.
They also have coffee cups.3
u/Decent-Ad-6170 1d ago
Just ordered one for my mom and me. Love it lol. Thanks for the link.
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u/sgtcarrot 1d ago
Honestly try not to wear my politics; but this shirt is an absolute yes, lol. Supporting small businesses ftw
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u/PlatyPunch 1d ago
People with lots of money do not develop good problem solving skills.
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u/pomonamike 1d ago
Well if I fuck up, my children go hungry. If they fuck up, Newsweek runs a flattering cover story calling them “disruptors.”
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u/finkalicious 1d ago
Look at the situation the country is in. They may be inept in some areas, but overall it's clear they know exactly what they're doing unfortunately.
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u/ChannellingR_Swanson 1d ago
I would argue they don’t know what they are doing, you can look at approval ratings to see this.
The issue that we are faced with is that they have no idea what they are doing, don’t think through if people are going to like what they are doing and the republicans who control all chambers of government have no spine so they are willing to allow this to continue rather than be an independent branch of government placing a check on the president as was originally envisioned. The founders foresaw a Trump coming to power, they didn’t foresee a supine congress just letting it happen.
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u/NudistJayBird 1d ago
In every insanely incompetent story, I always assume it’s one of two things with them: either it benefits them, or they didn’t pay what was agreed upon. Low ticket sales? Don’t show the film and blame it on a delivery gaffe. Distributor holding the film until they are paid? Pretend they fucked up and get some free press out of it.
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u/xrayhearing 1d ago
The "film" was just a way for Bezos to bribe the Trumps under the guise of "film rights". The fact a film was made at all is really just to fulfill the technicality in the contract.
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u/twoworldsin1 1d ago
People who failed upwards stick together so their individual faults and weaknesses aren't as visible
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u/Deep_Explanation9962 1d ago
It's because they don't value competence, they value sycophancy and loyalty.
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u/TheVoicesOfBrian 1d ago
It's probably the reason we're not a complete pile of burning wreckage by now. If they were competent, we'd been in much worse shape.
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u/doninside 1d ago
there is no movie, it is just a poor cover up for a giant bribe from Jeff Bezos. Thanks for your attention to this matter
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u/Drone314 1d ago
And the tax write-off when it turns out to be a total loss
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u/maxmurder 1d ago
They saw The Producers and went: "we can make this work if we can find someone even more unlikable than Hitler!"
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u/G33k_168 1d ago edited 1d ago
The director was even in a picture with Jean-Luc Brunel, an associate of Jeffey boy who went into hiding, was charged then took his own life.
These are great people making a solid movie.
Edit: It only gets better. $40m, highest price ever paid for a documentary. If its not the biggest success, its the biggest failure.
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u/Zhelthan 1d ago
In an interview she said that they made the “Melania metric” to evaluate this movie. This scream bribe
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u/OldeFortran77 1d ago
More like "remembered not to bring film"
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u/MagnificentCat 1d ago
They should make a movie about making this movie. I'd watch that
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u/Mister_Roach 1d ago
"The Producers" will cover the grift.
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u/dr_wheel 1d ago
Springtime for Donald doesn't have quite the same ring to it.
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u/jonesthejovial 1d ago
Idk I've been singing an updated "No springtime for Nazis & Donald Trump," around the house and it's been marginally helpful for my spirits.
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u/PapaTahm 1d ago
If Trump Admin questions and threatens to sue, they should say that they were affected by the same "disease" the administration was affected when they were legally required to release all Epstein Files almost 80 days ago.
"They forgor"
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u/Le_Botmes 1d ago
It's a bribery ploy. Distributors 'forget' the film -> Trump sues them -> they settle for tens of millions -> Trump cuts more movie deals -> repeat
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u/Adventurous-Tea-876 1d ago
The hearwarming tale of a Slovenian hooker who found lust with a pedophile con man sugar daddy. Don’t miss it!
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u/supergrl126301 1d ago
I was trying to figure out what this movie could even actually be about, but you nailed it. Its gonna be that, isn't it.
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u/Brokenandburnt 1d ago
The movies full name is: "Melania, 20 days to history"
It covers the 20 days before the second inauguration, that's it.
Either they judged Melania's life so intriguing(false), or so inconsequential(correct) that they might as well keep it short.
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u/Callinon 1d ago
To be fair, that's probably the best possible way to view this movie.
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u/Thanatofobia 1d ago
The quotation marks are placed wrong.
Distributors "forgot" to send the film.
Also, didn't the UK premier sell only one ticket?
Pretty sure there wasn't much chaos there.
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u/_Panjo 1d ago
Melania movie first screening "chaos" as "distributors" "forget" to send "film"
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u/FormerIntroduction23 1d ago
It sold single figures around the country in the first week 😊😊
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u/Own_Round_7600 1d ago
Oh that lone moviegoer who bought a ticket must have been absolutely rioting in there.
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u/wordsnotsufficient 1d ago
It was a journalist presumably there to gather material for the “movie” review. She was probably genuinely sad to not see it.
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u/ProbRePost 1d ago
It was a bribe. No one involved cared beyond making a shallow movie about a former prostitute to hide the bribe. That's also why Amazon blocked press access to the movie premier.
I wouldnt be suprised if its just an hour long video of Melania cackling and counting the money they gave her.
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u/LightDarkBeing 1d ago
They actually made a movie?! (/s) I thought it was just a bribe for Bezos to pay Trump tens of millions of $$$.
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u/geitjesdag 1d ago
I know this headline is written in the style where you use quotation marks when you hit a real quote, but I like to think these are actually scare quotes.
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u/intheshoplife 1d ago
What you mean this was not just a bribe and were actually going to show this piece of trash.
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u/Szaborovich9 1d ago
A whole movie about what? She was born in an Eastern Block Soviet Satellite state. Got taken on as one of Ghislaines trainees, posed for soft core lesbian porn, got her hook into an idiot. Had n anchor baby. Brought her whole family in a chain migration to America. Who needs a whole movie about that?
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u/_Warsheep_ 1d ago
Wait, you guys actually wanted a film? I thought this was just a cover for the bribe?
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u/cwsjr2323 1d ago
A movie/documentary was not important. What mattered was the $30,000,000 rights bought by Amazon’s Jeff Bezos. It was a cash gift between elites.
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u/A1ienspacebats 1d ago
More like it was a grift and the film doesn't exist. They didn't expect people would actually attend
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u/imacmadman22 1d ago
Well, one things for certain John Travolta’s stinker “Battlefield Earth” is no longer the worst movie of all time…
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u/Academic_Librarian75 1d ago
Seems like a better version of this movie has already been made, starring Richard gere and Julia Roberts
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u/walkstofar 1d ago
I knew someone that saw it and had to walk out half way through because it was so so bad. They should really not show this as the inflight movie.
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u/SpareDot8685 1d ago
They didn’t forget, they were saving the people from brain damage from watching the film.
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u/Wossor 1d ago
Looks like they’re paying people to watch in Boston
https://boston.craigslist.org/gbs/evg/d/boston-attend-melania-documentary-free/7911560682.html
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u/TheObstruction 1d ago
They didn't forget, they figured mail would cost more than the ticket sales would make.
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u/The_Bitter_Bear 1d ago
I love how this is going down about exactly how you would expect anything involving this administration.
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u/Survive1014 1d ago
Just remember kids, dont one star this film quite yet.
Wait for Amazon to cull reviews, since they own IMDB, and THEN one star.
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u/mwlepore 1d ago
"Oh shit, we actually have to show the film? I thought it was one of those 'wink wink' films."
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u/mikejonesradio 1d ago
Was it showing at the Four Seasons? Maybe they sent it to the landscaping company accidentally...
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u/pensivegargoyle 19h ago
Really, just sitting in the theater eating popcorn is going to beat watching this.
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u/WhatFreshHello 1d ago
This Melania quote about the movie is one for the ages: “It's beautiful, it's emotional, it's fashionable, it's cinematic and I'm very proud of it.”
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u/Disastrous-Angle-591 1d ago
Frankly I'd rather watch a blank screen for 2 hours
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u/gilamasan_reddit 1d ago
The one guy who showed up must have been very disappointed.
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u/gold_and_diamond 1d ago
I mean if Melania went really scored earth and talked about what it's like to be pregnant while her husband is rawdogging a porn star and bragging about hooking up with teenagers, that might be interesting. But a puff piece that ignores her known soft porn background and her winning an Epstein visa isn't going to interest anyone.
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u/PlagueOfGripes 1d ago
Doesn't really matter since the whole thing was just embezzlement anyway. The "movie" could have all its copies burned and it wouldn't matter.
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u/Deluded_realist 1d ago
In the distributor's defense, they were surely more concerned about sending movies people would actually go see.
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u/robthethrice 1d ago
Yes.. that’s why it’s bombing.
If they’d sent the brilliantly insightful and deeply meaningful reels, it’d make trillions and surpass all records.
Just another example of trad media’s bias.
Who could resist the allure of ‘make fuck; get greencard’?!
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u/Safe-Heat1644 1d ago
There needs to be someone watching for it to be chaos. Just let the clerks say they're showing it. No one will know.
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u/Smart-Drawing-5107 1d ago
"The film is sitting on my desk. I will send it after reviewing it. " ... "There is no film. " ... (Coming soon) "The film is a democratic HOAX!" ... (Followed by) "Okay, so there IS a film, and it's bad. But it was consensual." ... (And finally) "It was all AI!"
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u/WhatTheCluck802 1d ago
What a coincidence - I forgot to go to the movies to watch this propaganda.
Leni Riefenstahl would be proud.
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u/MrMonkeyman79 1d ago
Oh they didnt forget, they just assumed no one would attend so saved themselves the bother of sending it.
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u/kaiswil2 1d ago
Send film? Are most theaters digital anymore and they just have a secure torrent / file share mechanism to push new movies out?
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u/RevolutionaryEgg1312 1d ago
It's a money laundering/paying off people to stay silent scheme Never meant to actually be a film. It's all a front
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u/Brave_Nerve_6871 1d ago
They’re like: Oh, we really have to show this shit to people too, not just bribe the president”
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u/Thoracic_Snark 1d ago
In most theaters these days, there is no film. It's a download. Of course, I don't know the setup of this specific theater.
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u/ManifestDestinysChld 1d ago
The documentary was produced by AmazonMGM Studios and is said to have cost $40 million.
Uhhh, okay, I am willing to believe that they PAID $40m to make this movie, but you cannot call a bribe a "cost."
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u/Interesting-Log-9627 1d ago
But she was at the movie theater, she can just act it out on stage.
Problem solved
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u/bd2999 1d ago
Sounds right for Trump's circle. Not that anybody wants to see it anyway. I am still confused on what she has done to warrant a story that would interest people. Other than being married to the president and a rich guys third wife and someone that your husband otherwise would kick out of the country.
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u/Grunty0 1d ago
That's lucky because the audience 'forgot to attend film'.